My Life by Lauren Bickley

Senior Short Story Entry

Life is a book, torn and second hand or neat and new. No matter how large or thin, it is never complete. We always want more from life yet we can't handle what we already have. We rely on first impressions, as we can't handle the truth, what really lies beneath those blue eyes and that black hair.

And me, I'm no different. Yet I'm not the same. I have never lived a day in my life. Yet I'm wiser than the wisest of men. Or am I?

My name is Jordan. Jordan Jane. How old am I? I have lost count. Where am I? Who knows. Who am I? Nothing out of the ordinary.

Or that's what I think.

My normal day consists of early mornings, late nights and loads of crap in between. From pranks to TV. From action to action movies. From boredom to boredom. I have always thought that only boring people get bored. If this was true we might as well all be paper cut outs.

Each day I’m confronted with pain, misery, laughter, really, really bad fart jokes and the occasional invasion. I even get visits from my own mini Hitler, Chris Craig. Yeah, he may be five years old but trust me, that kids got serious problems. In fact I bet the only reason his parents keep him is because he’s cute. But enough of that.

Our house was invaded today. By stinky drooling monsters who threaten today’s society. I like to call these monsters, Boys. Four 10 year old monsters all glaring at me with that "I’m-so-much-better-than-you-because-I-can-win-a-Xbox-game look. I’m not sure if you’ve seen that look but it’s revolting. Almost as revolting as what grows on a sandwich that’s been left under a bed for 6 years. Almost.

After being pulverised by the mini-hit men, I took the dog for a walk. Jeez, how many times can one dog piss? You’d think it’s a camel, how it pees on every tree and pole that it sees. I mean it’s not like humans need to pee on every toilet they see…well at least normal humans don’t need to. Exceptions for toilet freaks and pee collectors. Oh well, at least we wipe our buts and wash our hands. Well at least I do anyway. Chris Craig came over again. Little brat started throwing dice at me because it amused him. And also my head made a hollow noise. Or so he proclaimed.

I always wanted to be popular. So far my friends consist of a bullying 5 year old, an ancient dog and my own mind. But at least I always win at chess!

I’ve always paid girls that put themselves down out. But now I’m not so different to them after all. At least there’s one thing they have that I don’t. A dignity. But maybe that’s not a good thing after all…

Have you ever felt unwanted, lonely and pissed off at the same time? I have…thanks to technology. Stupid humans with their stupid TV, why couldn’t we learn how to make fire and leave it at that? Exceptions for my ipod…..

Went to war…again. But this time it was me against everyone else. Not much different from normal but everyone else had water balloons. And I had an empty cup and some chips. The good thing is they refilled my cup for me. The bad thing is that they made my chips soggy. Oh my chips shall have their revenge! Mwahahaha!

And there I go again, being nothing but normal. What is normal anyway? Is it a flavour of chips? Is it a dog? Who knows? How can I be considered “not normal” when no one knows what is normal? Man, that’s just not normal!

I’ve always been called pretty ugly or pretty nerdy or pretty crap at singing. Why can’t I just be pretty? Who decides who’s pretty any way? I bet there’s some sort of thingy mo bob that sorts babies out into pretty and pretty ugly. Maybe all the pretty kids are all robots. Or maybe they just spend loads of money on botox, who knows?

Jeez, why is my life full of questions? I feel terrible. I’ve wasted my life with questions while someone’s wasted their lives with answers. But still, at least they have dignity. Again, I’ve gotta stop doing that to myself.

Ah, good old Christmas. How is it that the most exciting day for most is the laziest day for all? Another of life’s unanswerable questions. And if you know the answer, keep it to yourself. I shall keep what little dignity I have left by having the decency to not know everything. Or anything for that manner.

What a lazy day. Spent the whole day watching someone else’s lava lamp. Don’t ask me who’s, I don’t know the answer. Hmm...A lava lamp, in my opinion, resembles life. Pretty on the outside, hot in the inside but really, it has no purpose. Well, my life anyway. Oh and if you don’t know, the earth has lava stuff in the middle of it so it’s hot and the parts that aren’t littered with malls, bins or plastic bags are pretty.

Why do they call Boxing Day Boxing Day? Is that when everyone boxes all their old stuff away or when drunk idiots pick fights? Probably the second guess, for me anyway.

If I ever get drunk, I’ll (a) Make sure someone else shouts, (b)Buy loads of vodka mixed with fizzy stuff (looks good), (c)Try my luck at karaoke and (d) Bash up anyone who says I can’t sing!

Went to the beach, always awesome down there. Always fun. Unless of course, the moment you cross 7kn to reach the bloody water, it rains so you gotta go back in case lightning comes and you get struck (?). Then the moment you get under cover, it stops. What is it with nature and me? Probably the same thing as me and technology. As Chris always says, it’s fun to piss me off. Jeez, I feel so loved.

Spent an hour and a half in someone else’s galaxy, this exhibit thingy. The best part was the exit. People dressed up like aliens jumped out at you. I screamed and ran…right into the wall. And instead of helping me, stupid family laughed their heads off!!!!! One day it will be me dressed like an alien and then who will have the last laugh! Damn! I gotta get a job there!

How come all the guys I know are either geeks, idiots, morons or complete randoms? Same goes for girls except one could add backstabbing and bitchy to that list. And me, I’m just the un-co-ordinated soccer wannabe.

Was so tired today, because, yes you guessed it, Chris came over. Everything changes when a kid comes into your home. Goodbye peace and joy! Hello endless torture! With Chris, it’s like a gold mine’s set odd. And that’s before he gets to the sugar!

Today’s family conversation:

Me: Mum, do I have any chance of being school captain?

Mum: No

Me: Any chance of being a Leader?

Mum: No

Me: Can I sing well?

Mum: No

Me: Can I have a raise?

Mum: No

What would we do without such caring and encouraging families?

Out with one year, in with the next! New Years Eve, I don’t think it’s really truly celebrated, just an excuse for teens to drink and “try” to stop smoking. And with resolutions, don’t bother with goals. I don’t and look where I am: weird, lonely, poor, hungry, bored, confused, mislead and have no clue about what I am doing. And there goes the rest of my dignity.

Holidays, sweet holidays. Sweet yet boredom lurks around every corner. Except with me, boredom gets lazy and just stands in the middle of the road, doesn’t bother with surprise. Anyway, holidays. Late nights, late mornings and social events in between. But thanks to junk mail, for me it’s early mornings, late nights and absolutely no contact with civilisation. Meaning that I lost my mobile charger…

New Year, new start and already it sucks. Why? No reason, it just sucks. And that’s the scary part. How did I spend my new year? Same as my birthday, getting lost in an outrageously big supermarket. Why do people like shopping? Sure that bag is cute, and that shirt is gorgeous, but at the end of the day, it’s just another piece of crap soon to be shoved under the bed and never seen again! And when you do see it, it’s not cute any more!

Ah war again, has the whole world gone retarded or have I started acting normal? I think everyone’s retarded. I’ve lost countless friends over rumours. Everyone knows I’m too spaced out and thick to be a proper bitch to anyone! I liked it better when I was the retarded one. With any luck, I might still be.

Took Chris to a kid’s movie today. I have no idea why, it could be the fact that I was so bored. Or the fact that his parents gave me $20 to occupy him, who knows? Anyway, Chris cried in all the happy bit then cracked up when the “hero” almost gets eaten. Great. AT least I’m not the only one emotionally confused.

It seems everyone is here for a reason, siblings to annoy, parents to care and teachers to teach. Gets me thinking, what am I here for?

Mum nagged me to wash my hair today! So rude! I mean it’s only 2 weeks dirty! It’s practically clean! Come on!

Was forced to wash my hair…and instead of shampoo I grabbed the soap. Guess I really am new to this!

Finally, I go to the beach and it’s not raining! Yes! Except a bird poo landed on my shoulder while I was running and I stepped on a dead jellyfish. Guess it is better if it rains. For me anyway.

You know, a friend once told me, “We are all created as originals but most end up as a copy of someone else. Be the best you, you can be!” Yeah, and that was 2 years ago. Now though, that same friend is basically a Paris Hilton clone.

Speaking of clones, these days, my friends and troubles are the same now. They all start happy, end depressingly and loads of crap in between.

Most exciting things now are family conversations. Example:

Me: What’s for sleep?

Mum: Waffles.

Yum, I wonder what’s for breakfast?

I pay my mum out a lot, maybe it’s the fact she’s my only mum, that I’m evil or that it’s fun. Pick one, I know I won’t. Anyway, my mum gives the best advice such as “follow your dreams, and if they fail, run”, “be happy” or my favourite “If you have to swear, say it in French.

Where would I be without family?

Isn’t it funny how lazy we are? I mean, today I saw a perfectly good soccer ball that was a bit dirty. Even though it was selling for a HUGE discount, no one bought it because they didn’t want to clean it. So I bought and gave it to a friend’s cousin’s friend. What? You thought I’D clean it?

I wanted to make new friends today so I went into a chat room under the name of “Boring Hitler Wannabe.” No friends, powerful enemies…

Money is like a pencil. The moment you have a huge test or need it for something, it’s gone or broken. Then when you ask to borrow a pencil (or money) you get in trouble. Or told to suck a lemon.

Can I borrow some cash?

Sure!

Really?

No! Go suck a lemon!

Ah, mysterious me.

I’m so lazy right now. But then again, I’m not. I did a poll. Did you know the most common day to start diets & exercise is tomorrow? Mondays is second best. Or worst. In the words of Garfield, I hate Mondays.

It’s funny how hypocritical we are. Example: I’ll tell my brother off for spending hours on the Xbox then go on the computer for days. In a way, we are telling ourselves off. In a way we aren’t. I mean it’s ok if I spend hours on the computer. When it comes to others I tell them off and call them lazy. Then I get sent to bed.

I’ve always been a person that notices people, not someone that people notice. Yet it’s funny how as soon as I break my leg or go out with a guy, I become noticed. Then in a few days, back to normal non-existing me.

Each day I come face to face with pain, misery, laughter, confusion, bad humour and fart jokes. My life is nothing of the ordinary. But hey, that’s the way I like it!