Questions by Bernice Yap

Tell me why trees have to sleep?
What do people want to keep?

Why does night turn into day?
Why do children have to play?

What is it we have to love?
Why is there a heaven above?

Why do trains all have a trail?
Why do people have to fail?

Why do only birds migrate?
Why do people cheat and hate?

Why do most sharks have a fin?
Why do people want to win?

Why do adults say yes or no?
Can't they say once "I don't know."?

What do you call adventure?
Why do people kill nature?

Why do people go to war?
Why can't we choose less 'ver more?

What is music? Why is it?
How do people make it fit?

Why is art art? Why's it not?
What makes people say "Forgot."?

Why do people want to lie?
Why do people have to die?

Why do people all believe?
Why do people want to live?

Dawn and Dusk by Bernice Yap

Disappearing moon
And star-filled sky.
When the sun comes up
Night goes. Why?

Time goes on and on and on
Once you live it, it is gone.

Down the sun goes
Under the sky.
Slowly, surely
Keep wondering why?

Daughter of the Sword by Vanessa Gray

The city of Calandir was set into the mountains, as if carved from the bare rock beneath. It stood tall and white under the star-strewn sky, as a cool wind rushed through the many crevices and alleyways, and whistled through the battle turrets.

The majesty of the city was breathtaking in itself, second only to the wondrous vista below. The amazing view was best seen from the seven tapered towers of the castle, which rose from the central depths of the city, tall and stately.

As the night slowly washed over the castle, set at the topmost point level of the city, the soft glow of the moon traced out an elven figure, poised on the whitewashed terrace, now shrouded in darkness. Princess Aradreal, was cloaked in a gown of midnight blue and she made neither a move nor sound as she breathed in the harsh cold night air. She was a beautiful young woman, of only nineteen. Even though her eyes glistened with moisture, as tears formed in her eyelids, something sinister, a speck of guilt, a hint of betrayal or perhaps a dash of triumph glazed the surface. Her long, wavy, dark hair swept back with the dry breeze that whipped around the city walls.

Princess Aradreal stood still on the Terrace, which by day was filled with nobles, entertainers and castle guards, but was now deserted. Her eyes shifted to look out towards the east, where a flame was glowing, and a battle had obviously taken place. The elven eyes and ears of Princess Aradreal had seen and heard every move of the warring sides. The men had been severely outnumbered.

Another elf, a slim male, with long blond hair, tied back from his face, Le’edor, approached her. For many weeks they had spent a great deal of time together, talking and laughing. A marriage was expected. But now, he was dressed in chain mail, long pants and a tunic, a length of leather cord held it around his waist. His bow hung from his hand, and he was covered in ash and dirt. The signature of a long fought battle was scrawled all over him. He asked her, “Please tell me you did not watch, that you did not see.” Her eyes suddenly grew wide, as she lifted her head and shifted her stance. “I saw everything,” she answered, a cold smile splitting her face.

She turned away from the glow, and swiftly like a raven swooping down upon its prey: she stormed through the doors of the castle, as graceful as a storm could be. Le’edor followed in fearful curiousity. When her footsteps roused a guard, she said nothing to him but a near silent “No”.

She threw open the gilded doors of the great hall and marched up to the throne of the king. She took a golden crown from the seat, glittering and bejewelled, and balanced it triumphantly on her hands, she proclaimed, “My father and brother are dead. I will replace him, and take up his sword, his lands and his throne.

She turned to find Le’edor’s expression had changed to that of fear, as he asked of her intentions. She pushed past him as she whispered, “I’m going to finish this.”
“Aradreal! You cannot bring them back! Aradreal they have fallen!” as she twisted from his grip.

She darted into a room, and returned with a silvery, grey cloak, which she threw around her shoulders, before she proceeded like a ghost down many flights of stairs to a large stable. She took and embossed black bow, and a quiver full of red tipped arrows, from a small room near the stable entrance. “Please Aradreal, you cannot leave. The enemy still lingers out there yet!”
“I will not let their deaths be forgotten, I won’t let the valour of my house break!” she screamed at him. “You have never raised your voice so, what has happened to you, have you been tainted by Ji’ashin? Has his foul arm extended so far as to touch you?”

“Don’t say the Dark Lords name!” her cold expressionless face still fixed upon the bundle she hastily strapped to the back of her horse. “Why? Aradreal he isn’t a Lord anyway. Only darkfriends call him Lord. You shouldn’t call him that”,
“Le’edor, you think you know what is best for me, but you just don’t see. I don’t need you Le’edor, it is you who needs me.”

She stared at him, nearly piercing him with her eyes. She turned to the courtyard and went to the edge, looking down at the gate below. “Anyway, what would you know about his power? Nothing!” and she grasped the bow tightly. As she walked away, Le’edor lowered his head sadly, “I swore you were fair and thought you were bright, though you are as black as hell, as dark as night.”

She took no further notice of him as she mounted her horse and set off down the path to the gates. She blocked out his pleading cries. The guards at the gates were given their orders in a condescending, dulcet tone. Aradreal rode her silver stallion through the open gates, and Le’edor followed. “Aradreal, what will you do if you even make it to Isgarthien?” he asked once more. Nearly crying she shouted, “Do you think I would let my father and brother be buried without settling this war? You know less of me than you could ever imagine.”
“You cannot take on an entire army yourself!” he shouted.

She turned to ride off and he called after her, “Aradreal, at least know this… I love you.” As she galloped into the night, her hair and cloak streaming behind her, Le’edor retreated back to the castle, to watch her ride away.


* * * * *






In the morning Le’edor still stood staring towards the horizon, now joined by Queen Arleddia. She was wearing a veil of black, and spoke in a soft tone to him, “Why do you despair so? We may have lost the King and the Prince, but there is still an heir to the throne who has not yet fallen. Can you not feel it? Or has sorrow clouded your vision?”

T’was four days since Aradreal had left: Le’edor was again watching the plains below, a streak of silver stole his gaze. A silver trotted into the city, and Aradreal slid gracefully off her horse, the bundle behind her was much larger and her fathers sword hung at her waist as if it had always been there. “The war is over. Our people are safe, though we have paid for it with many lives. I don’t think Ji’ashin will trouble us any longer.”

Aradreal was hailed as a hero, and was raised to the throne. Le’edor left, and was never seen in Calandir again.

Forest Painting By Christina Budur

The forest is a fine painting;
a piece of delicate art.
Bottle green trees are the painting’s backdrop;
being there for the effect.
Animals are the painting’s central image;
Living in a lush green background.
Tropical fruit and berries are the gold rimmed frame;
the part that finishes the picture.
And together these aspects complete the forest painting;
the sanctuary for many animal and plant’s homes.

‘Deserving’ A Battlestar Galactica the new series fan fiction. By Melissa Hill

Rating: PG
Words: 1,980
Genre: Romance, Angst

Their eyes met over the dispersing crowd. Her’s were filled with a myriad of emotions, as if she couldn’t decide what to feel. Lee couldn’t blame her; the entire crew of Galactica was still coming to terms with the recent tragedy. Three people had been killed by the resident humanoid cylon, Sharon. After she had lost her hybrid baby, Sharon had suddenly turned on them. She began thrashing around in her cell, abusing the guards and being all around destructive. Commander William Adama had made a rushed decision and sent Helo and Starbuck down to talk to her. Adama had been pretty confident that these two could calm her down, the rest of the crew had agreed with him.

The plan didn’t work.

Once Kara ‘Starbuck’ Thrace and Karl ‘Helo’ Agathon had entered the cell, half an hour passed with relative silence. The next hour Lee still remembered vividly.

Flashback

Lee had been chosen as part of the team that would stand at the door of Sharon’s cell while Helo and Starbuck saw her. It was supposed to be pretty routine. Stay alert and keep your ears open.

The team consisted of seven marines and two pilots, Lee and Hotdog. Everyone had been pretty relaxed for the first half and hour, only becoming really alert when raised voices could be heard. After an hour the mood suddenly turned panicked. Loud bangs, like gunshots, sounded from behind the doors. The team had been told that they couldn’t enter the cell until they were called for, but at this stage, rules could be disregarded. The guard team stormed the cell, guns raised. The scene they were greeted with made them stop in their tracks. The glass around Sharon’s cell was shattered, the phone was off the hook and the door that opened into her cell had been torn off the wall. Lee was scared, not only for himself but for the safety of his best friend, Kara. The guard team entered the cell. Inside was a mess. The bed was overturned and the covers strewn across the room. All eyes turned to Sharon.

The humanoid cylon sat huddled in a corned, a still smoking gun lay at her feet. The cylon looked scared and confused; her eyes were locked on the opposite wall of the cell. Lee turned around to be greeted with two still bodies. He rushed over to a blonde female form lying near the wall. As he passed Helo he stopped, noticing the pool of blood around the Raptor pilots head. A quick glance at Kara confirmed his suspicions, they had been shot.

Lee’s training took over and he called for a guard to get a med team down there, stat. Lee quickly checked Helo’s pulse, though he knew it was hopeless, he had been shot through the head. He rushed over to Kara’s side. He knelt beside and was relieved to find that she was only unconscious, not dead. She had sustained two bullet wounds, one to the upper left thigh, and the other to her abdomen. Applying pressure to her stomach wound Lee prayed to the Lords of Kobol that Kara would hang on. Medics arrived quickly.

The rest of the day had been a bit of a blur for Lee. He knew he had gone with the medics to life station, and stayed there until Kara had gotten out of surgery. He had then sat by her bed. She woke up later that night, eyes full of fear and guilt. She didn’t say a word, no matter what he had said.

End of Flashback

Lee began to follow Kara off of the flight deck, dodging mourners and other personnel. The day after the shooting would be burned into his memory forever.

Flashback

The day after the shooting the humanoid cylon killed again. The President of the Colonies, Laura Roslin, had been overseeing the cylon’s final interrogation and round of tests. The aim of this final meeting was to try and gain all the information they could about the cylon fleet, and the remaining unidentified humanoid cylon models, before Sharon got flushed out of an airlock. Vice President Baltar, Galactica’s resident cylon expert, had been conducting the interrogation and tests. From what Lee had been told, President Roslin had turned away from the viewing window briefly and had never gotten a chance to turn back. Sharon had lost it again; she had broken free of her restraints, snapped Baltar’s neck and was out of the cell before the President could react. Shortly after, the President joined the list of Sharon’s kills.

Sharon finally met with her destined airlock.

End of flashback

Now the triple funeral was finished. And everyone was going there separate ways. Lee ran to catch up to Kara. It wasn’t hard, she was still on crutches.

“You okay?”

Kara looked at him, emotions still flickering in her eyes. “I seem to be hearing that a lot lately.”

“That’s because you won’t give anybody a straight answer.”

She stopped walking to look at him. Hazel eyes locked with blue.

“Helo was my first friend on Galactica, he always covered my back, and he saved my butt on Caprica. Now he’s dead. The President and the Vice-president are dead and I’m out of the air for the next six weeks. Yeah Lee I’m frakkin’ peachy!”

Lee searched her face. Kara’s eyes were hardened and her jaw set.

“Your blaming yourself for Helo’s death aren’t you?”

She glared at him. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

She sighed. “Not now Lee. I’m not in the mood.”

He looked at her like she had just grown horns. “When aren’t you in the mood for a challenge?”

“Since now.”

“Talk to me Kara, don’t shut me out again.”

“Not here.” She gestured to the stream of people passing them.

“So you’ll talk?”

“Only if you get your butt into gear and find a place for us to talk flyboy!”

“My office?” he suggested.

“Done.” She said, and started to limp/hop in that direction. He followed.


They reached his office in record time, considering Kara was on crutches. Once inside he sat behind his desk, Kara took the chair in front. He leaned forward, elbows on the desk.

“Well here we are so talk.”

“Pushy.” She grumbled. Looking apprehensive she said. “Uh Lee, don’t interrupt me. If you do I might not be able to finish.”

He nodded. With a deep breath she began. She talked about Caprica, the resistance, she even mentioned Anders. She talked about the farm and told him what she was thinking when she slept with Baltar after Colonial Day. She told him why she jumped away to Caprica. Lee was speechless when she finished. Throughout her speech Kara had kept her eyes locked on the wall above his head. Now she watched his face. His expression went from confused, to angry, hurt, and then betrayed and back to confused. He finally spoke.

“So you slept with Baltar because he was there and you thought I didn’t want you. You then cried out my name as you came. You jumped to Caprica because you felt betrayed by my father, and the President had asked you to retrieve the Arrow of Apollo. On Caprica you were shot and taken to a cylon breeding farm. By killing the cylon doctor that was taking care of you, you managed to escape. While there you made a promise to the leader of the resistance that you would be back for him.” He thought for a moment. “Did I get that right?”

Kara nodded, close to tears. Lee rose and walked around the desk, kneeling in front of her he said,

“Oh Kara I’m so sorry. I did want you on Colonial Day, but I let you go because I was afraid, I was afraid I would frak everything up. I shouldn’t want you; I shouldn’t be in love with you. You’re my brother’s girl, his ghost hangs between us.” He searched her face, though her eyes never left the floor.

“Kara, look at me.” She didn’t budge. “Look at me…please.”

She let out a soft sigh and met his eyes.

“Kara I love you, remember, you said no take backs, I’m not taking it back, I never will.” He said softly, eyes never leaving hers. He could almost see the walls guarding her emotions crumble away as she began to cry. Lee pulled her into his arms, praying she wouldn’t resist. She didn’t, instead she melted into his embrace, shoulders shaking for her sobs.

They stayed like this for most of an hour, until the flood of tears finally stopped. She mumbled something into his shoulder, something he didn’t quite catch. He pulled back so he could see her face.

“Hmmm…?” he asked, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

She turned pink and mumbled “I don’t deserve you.”

Lee shook his head. “Don’t say that, you know it’s not true.”

The look in her eyes became desperate. “But it’s true Lee. I don’t deserve you, I didn’t deserve Zak and I didn’t deserve a friend like Helo. Look where it got them.” she began to gesture empathetically “It seems that anyone who gets close to me, dies.”

Lee grabbed her wrists and pulled her back into a hug.

“I’m not dead, dad’s not dead. You deserved Zak, you deserved Helo, and you sure as hell deserve dad and I. Hell you probably deserve better. You’re a hero Kara, the famous Starbuck, don’t ever think yourself unworthy.”

Her reply was to hug him tighter. She then whispered in his ear “No one could be better than you Apollo, after all, you claim the call sign of a god.”

Lee smiled into her shoulder. She was teasing him, which meant she felt better.

“You feeling better?”

She cracked a smile. “Nice way of re-wording the original question Captain. And yes, I’m fine.”

“Good. And thanks Kara, for not shutting me out.”

She grinned, one of her trademark, knee melting grins. She was still sitting across from him, bad leg stretched out. Lee suddenly had the urge to do something he probably shouldn’t do. ‘Frak it’ he thought, and closed the distance between them for a kiss. She didn’t object, like he thought she would, instead she kissed him back, hard.

The kissed turned passionate fast. She tangled her hands in his hair, holding him close. His hands supported her head, as the kiss became impossibly deeper. When oxygen became a real problem, they broke apart, gasping for air.

“Wow.” She panted. “Maybe I should pour my heart out more often; if I’m going to get a kiss like that.”

He laughed. “Maybe we should just skip straight to the kissing bit.”

“You know Captain Adama; I like that proposition, a lot. But what happened to the by the book Captain. What have you done to him?”

“That Captain is still here, you just bring out the best and worst in him.”

She laughed evilly and kissed him again.

“Captain Adama, report to CIC, pass the word the CAG to CIC.”

They broke apart with a groan, foreheads touching.

“Duty calls.” He said, getting up.

“Duty can wait until you get me up off the floor, my leg cramped about half an hour ago.”

He laughed and offered her a hand up. She thanked him with a parting kiss.

“Hurry back.” She said.

“I’ll try, but you know Tigh.”

She groaned. “Bastard. Once my leg heals I’m going to kick his ass.”

“Rather than plan your revenge, maybe you should figure out something to spill your guts about.”

She let out a ringing laugh and winked at him as he left. She turned to his desk and looked at the stack of paperwork covering it.

“Probably should do something to pass the time.”

She smiled, feeling much better and for once, felt like she deserved what she had.


The End

'Arrow' By Sam Grant

Through the rain it shines
The darkness bright
Five points at night
Follow it and you'll be right
It's like a star but not as far
Something that guides you
Wherever you are
It's there to help you find the light
When you are lost or can't find
What's right
It's called your heart
The most wonderful part
So follow the arrow and turn the key
For what you see is your personality

'Climbing' By Sam Grant

The beach is a curve of mountains that roam the starry depths
A sea of deep feelings that tumble to a left
The white ribbon that separates emotions from the rest
When it comes to a peak
It'll fly and turn cheek
It's a dawn of free spirits
Unlike most others
So have a look and see of the powers that may be
Or glaze the stars that eye the earth like pieces of a puzzle
And you just might find what lays aline
The arrow of paths to be.

'Rose Stem' By Sam Grant

Life's full of mysteries
a wayward arrow on a rose stem
a young girl in her teens who sees the sky as green
a teenage girl knitting a world of fear
a baby smiling up at you
a young mother who knows not what to do
a baby who senses something's askew
a child who draws a picture of her mother and her slef beside a tiny house
a mother out all night working to provide
a little girl alone waiting by the door for her mother to arrive staring back into the night
as people wander by
a teacher wonders why a little girl is always so shy
a girl with long blonde hair is smart
a mother finds a different job and no longer words late into the night
a teenage girl is happy now
a mother hopes her daughter does not make the same mistake she made that night the sky was green
a mother remembers not leaving that drink alone for long
a mother remembers feeling strange after finishing the rest of it off
a mother does not remember what happened after that nor does she forget the significance of that night and how it changed her life
a mother is glad to have her daughter of twenty-one though
a mother and her daughter each know how difficult it had been
a mother and her daughter have a bond of love and respect
Put your mind to what you need and find what's in between to lift your wings to fly
Beyond the arrow does the rose grow until its destination is reached will it stop to look beyond.

'Life' By Sam Grant

Some peoply fly
Others walk the skies
Whatever the reason
No matter what happens
Be yourself
Get out there and make it your world
Be friends with people
Who won't waste your time
Or start some blame
Or sadness or shame
Have fun
Be happy
Love life
And Shine
Aim high
And you'll do just fine

mixed emotions by Kimberley Glacken

I have once thought maybe this was life. No love, no hate, no feelings! My deepest feelings would never be shared. I was so frightened, I didn’t know what to do, scared of this one thing all my life. Face my fears I told my self, but it’s so hard, so confusing. Do you know what its like to wander in darkness? It never stops, it never ends, and it goes on like a story with no ending. Do you know how it feels to be so afraid of something, that you cant do anything about, something that you didn’t ask for or even never thought about? Do you know how it feels?

Its complete and pure emptiness………

As I sit in a room full of people crying, suffering and hurting. I think to myself, why am I not crying? What’s wrong with me? I’ve never once had this problem before and surely enough this is the time to be crying. I am now on my knees, feeling emptiness and shock. Im kneeling at the casket seeing an unmerciful look upon her face, it gets to painful and I suddenly start to cry. Im frozen I can’t move, the only movement in my body is the tears crawling down my face. Oh my gosh, what is happening, why is this happening? This isn’t real I try to tell my self, it is real and it did happen and no it’s not fair but its still happening. As a best friend your job is to comfort them, but I cant! Do you know how horrifying it is to see your best friend lying in a box, covered in ugly silk material, looking so lifeless and not being able to do anything about it, well it’s the worst feeling I have ever uncounted.

I'm being told to move, “its time to start the speeches” one girl said to me. But I can’t move, it’s like im stuck, I reach out to touch Emily’s cheek, but im getting pulled away from the casket. I look up to the girls pulling me away, I know them, well I think I know them, I cant remember much lately. It’s been this way since Friday, ahh I cant even mention Friday with out bursting into tears. Im being hugged now, only I can’t feel it, I feel nothing anymore. What is happening to me, what have I done to deserve so much pain? I start to cry more now and im getting the feeling it wont stop. I look up to the face of the girl that is holding me, trying her best to be calm. She is gorgeous, I know her im sure I know her, it takes me awhile but I remember her, her name is Sarah we have been friends since the 4th grade. Suddenly my thought was interrupted bye someone saying “ good by Emily”, my tears fall faster now and Sarah is hugging me tighter, and says to me in a quiet whisper “ Emily is ok now, she is in a place where nothing can hurt her, she wants you to be happy”. I try to give her a little smile but it is too painful. Ive never ever felt this alone in my life, even though I am in a room full of people I used to know and someone holding me, squeezing me, telling me everything is going to be ok. I normally would trust Sarah but now I am not quite sure. I turn to Sarah and ask her “ is this real, is it really happening, or is this just a nightmare?” she assures me that this isn’t some kind of bad dream and it is true and all this horrible mess is happening.

There is now a skinny looking girl up the front, reading a poem and sharing her stories about Emily, even though Emily hated this girl more then anything. I feel like going up there and pushing the girl away. I catch a glance at Emily’s mother, my second mum, the person who has been here for me since day one, she had helped me through every problem ive ever had. She is looking sadly at me as to say that should be me up there, instead of this girl. There is now a silence and I look to the front, a man walks up and calls my name. I feel everyone’s eyes on me, and all im doing is sitting there feeling more sick then ever and clutching onto my piece of paper. Sarah stands and takes my hand and pulls me towards the stand and then unfolds the piece of paper for me. I look to my left trying to find away out where I can run and hide, but then I see Ryan looking at me trying to tell me to go ahead it’s ok, as I look at the rest of the people they stare at me, as though they can see right through me, and all my emptiness. I look back at Ryan, if it would have been two weeks ago, I would have jumped out of my skin with just the thought of him looking in my direction. I think everyone is getting impatient, Sarah squeezes my hand, and it almost makes me feel her comfort can get me through this. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out, just tears that fill my eyes. I try again and this is what I say;

I’ll stop loving you when diamonds never sparkle and flowers cease to grow, when thunder doesn’t echo and rivers do not flow, when hearts no longer wonder and when hands never help, when smiles are only memories and hope is never felt, when tress no longer blossom and the stars refuse to shine, when autumn has no falling leaves and winter no longer dies, when time has no more tomorrow and rainbows have no blue, when god alone commands me then I’ll stop loving you.

I had a few more words, but was unable to finish. I was holding my tears back so much my eyes began to blur. I slowly walk back to my place before I forget how to walk, if that’s possible, I mean I forgot how to speak so I don’t see how forgetting to walk is any different. I sit there with my eyes closed for the rest of the service; I don’t want any more tears to fall.

When the service is finished, I want to get out of there as quick as possible before anyone else can feel sorry for me. I give Emily’s parents one last hug for the day and then start to run through the cemetery, there are graves everywhere and it is completely silent. The light grows dark as the clouds gather above me, it starts to rain, and my slow run turns into an even slower walk to catch my breath. Finally I find a spot at the back of the cemetery under a huge tree among the fallen leaves and place my head in my hands and think. This is it, she is gone and I cant do anything about it, I wish I would had been a better friend to her, I don’t understand, why would she do this, how could she do this, did she think of her friends and now I think of all these questions and how they will be forever unanswered.

I have been sitting in this spot, under this tree for two hours but it seems like I have been here for days, I guess time goes slow when you are miserable. Not once has these tears stopped racing down my face, somehow I don’t think they are going to stop anytime soon. It’s dark now and I don’t think I am going to move from this spot, so I decide to lie down, its not like anyone is going to come looking for me. I mean my parents are gone, they have been for 3years now, and Emily is with them now. All I really have left is my brother, but he likes to hang out with his friends and girlfriend, so basically im by my self, just me myself and I… what’s new.

I hear a few leaves crunch at first I am a little scared I have to admit but then I thought I got nothing to loose nor nothing to gain. I don’t move hoping it was someone or something that was going to end this horrible pathetic life I now live. “Dakota, Dakota… is that you”. Great someone I know has found me, I sit up and not make a sound. I squint my eyes to see who it is; from the sound of their voice it is a guy. The person kneels down in front of me; he takes out his mobile phone and shines it on my face. I realize who it is, it’s Ryan. I turn my head fast so he doesn’t see my blood shot eyes. Ryan is now sitting beside me and wraps his arms around me, and gives me the biggest hug I have received in a long time. He then asks me “ are you ok? Oh wait that’s a dumb question” and gives his head a little slap. I don’t say a word, how can I? I hardly know him, so surely he doesn’t expect me to pure out my heart to him, and im not in the nicest mood, so what ever I say will probably be harsh and I would regret it later, that’s if there is a later, and how can I be mean to him, he is just so nice and caring. Ryan is tall, with black hair and the most gorgeous green eyes that you could just stare into all day. Ryan came here from Canada. He came to Australia to see some of his family that had moved here recently. You are probably asking how he knows Emily well let me tell you. Emily really needed some extra cash to see her favorite band behind crimson eyes play and she was really good at the guitar so she thought she would give guitar lessons. Ryan was walking in the shops one day and looked at a notice bored, which had Emily’s details about her classes on it, and he decided to give it ago. I used to think Emily had a thing for Ryan, but she wouldn’t ever admit it to me cause she knew I was kind of keen on him myself. I should be happy right now cause I am sitting under a nights sky full or bright gold stars with a boy I intended to get to know, but somehow this all seems stupid now I kind of almost feel selfish.

I feel Ryan’s eyes on me, I go to speak but he cuts me off, “ive been looking for you everywhere, Sarah and the rest of your friends have been worried about you” he says “pfft worried about me that would be a change they never had once cared for me before so why would they start now’ I snap back. There is a silence I don’t think he knows what to say back, finally he manages to speak.” You know you can’t stay here” he says to break the silence “why do you care what I do” I say back in a bitchy way. “Why wouldn’t I care Dakota, you need someone to get through this with” Ryan says desperately as though he is suggesting he would help me. I cut him off before he can say anything else “ look Ryan I don’t need you help matter of fact I don’t need you at all, I don’t need anyone, every person that ever meant anything to me has either left me or doesn’t bother with me anymore. After my parents died I changed and the only person who would put up with me was Emily and now Emily is gone, I have nothing and I am used to that and I would rather not get attached to anyone else, I cant take this let alone be heart broken when u decide u have had enough and leave me just like everyone else did. I get up and run as fast as I can, I feel so weak but yet I can’t stop. Sean is behind me yelling for me to stop. I fall to the ground, I can’t run anymore. Sean falls beside me, trying to catch his breath and looking at me hoping that I would look at him, but I don’t I keep my eyes shut and try to remember all the good times. I wouldn’t ever imagine myself at a place like this at all, let alone the amount of time I have been here. I have lost count of the hours I have sat in silence waiting for the pain to stop but even I know that’s expecting too much. Soon enough Ryan grows impatient and stands. He’s looking down on me hoping I would join him, but I don’t. “Dakota we have to go you need food and sleep” once again there is silence, I think to me self why bother I mean I have been her for awhile already why cant I just sit here until the pain stops, if it does. I feel Ryan’s hand wrapped around my arm as if he is going to drag me, which he does. As I am being dragged along the surprisingly soft moist grass, I start to feel sorry for him I mean all he has been to me is nice and I’ve been a pain in the ass trying to fight him away. I decide to stop being stubborn and join him on his feet as I rise I don’t say a thing neither does he. The awkwardness of us just standing there is strange yet familiar, I want to walk but I just cant bring my body to let me. Ryan is smiling at me again even though its dark I can tell cause all you can see his is pearly white teeth glowing. I actually grab hold of Ryan’s hand as to tell him to help me, I give his arm a little squeeze and he starts to walk at a slow pace. As we walk we get a little faster so it is a normal pace, I want to let go of his hand but I know if I do I will fall so I hold on tight I couldn’t imagine from just one little touch that I could feel so comfortable and safe me I am going to get through this after all.

Sister, sister by Daniel Leong

Sister, sister
A sister as cute as a budgerigar
But now as jumpy as a kangaroo
Where on earth could you find someone like this?

Where? Where? Where?
In my house that’s where

Sister, sister
As tall as a tree and
As loyal as a dog.
Whose sister is it?
Mine! Mine! Mine? Yes Mine!

‘Harry Potter and the Secret Chicken Coop’ A Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets fan fiction By Petina Hodges

Rating: M
Words: 4,836
Genre: Humour, Parody

Chapter1 – A Very Boring Summer to Come

Harry sat in his bedroom in Privet drive, viewing all of the photos we didn’t get to see in the last movie, including some photos of Ron and Hermione we didn’t know existed. His owl Hedwig, gave an annoying squawk.

‘Could you shut the hell up Hedwig, I’m trying to miss my friends, look really lame AND make people feel sorry for me. Multi-tasking is killing me!’ Harry yelled at his birdy.

‘Which explains why J.K. Rowling should have called you Harriet Potter, so you could deal with it’, remarked the birdy with another screech.

Harry’s uncle, Vernon Dursley suddenly yelled from downstairs.

‘If you can’t stop yelling at that birdy Potter, I’ll have to commit you!’

‘Now look what you’ve done!’ Harry shouted at his birdy, rattling the cage violently.

Harry muttered angrily about having to walk all the way downstairs, as he came into the kitchen and was glared at by Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley, his cousin.

‘Could I just let my birdy out for a while?’ Harry begged. ‘She’s been driving me up the wall since she learnt how to talk back’

‘Yeah right!’ said Uncle Vernon disbelievingly. ‘Like you wouldn’t use that birdy to keep in contact with that beaver and blood nut you call friends!’

‘Well no actually – they’re being really rude and I won’t write if they don’t write. Besides I’m getting too far ahead of the story so I need to shut up’

Dudley was so stupid he forgot his line and therefore had no part in this scene, but he did push Harry, as he was too fat for the camera frame.

‘Well, you’d think you’d be more grateful’ – Harry tuned out, which made the audience grateful because they didn’t really want to listen to the bull Vernon Dursley had to offer.

(A/N: try hitting the pause button on the movie at the right time and it looks like Uncle Vernon is sleep talking).

Harry went to his bedroom so he could pretend to be non-existent in the hopes that Hedwig would stop talking to him because he wasn’t sure if she really was talking or if he was hallucinating.

Harry got back to his bedroom to be non-existent but some weird computer generated thing was jumping on his bed.

‘Hey you little MOTHER F***ER! Get off my bed right now I just made it you freaking hobbit!’

‘Well I was going to tell you that I am I fact Dobby the house elf and that you were in great danger and I was pathetic and you can’t go back to Hogwarts because it’s dangerous’ – Dobby took a breath – ‘and all the other plot points but now I’ll just take your friends letters and run’

Dobby ran out of the room.

‘So they did write to me, I feel loved! Hang on a second…give them to me hobbit!’

Yes Harry was indeed slow.

‘I’m not a hobbit’ Dobby yelled from the stairway.

‘Yes you are!’

‘No I’m not – this isn’t ‘Lord of the Rings’ you know!’

‘It isn’t? Damn wrong script, sorry!’

Dobby ignored Harry/Frodo (he was no longer sure what movie this was), ran into the kitchen to steal tonight’s pudding but screwed up the charm and had it float to the living room and land on Mrs. Mason’s head.

‘Shit’ said Dobby. ‘I was going to eat that!’

‘Mmm…floating pudding’ said Mrs. Mason and ate all the pudding off her fingers.

Dobby disappeared on the spot and Harry took all the crap that followed which included some yelling and other stuff that really doesn’t count towards the plot of the story.

Through Uncle Vernon’s ranting a question popped into Harry’s head.

‘Hey, how come in the book I was given a warning letter from the Ministry of Magic and in the movie I wasn’t – isn’t that going to mess things up in the 5th movie?’

‘Probably’ said Uncle Vernon. ‘But you won’t need to worry because by the time you start on the fifth movie you’ll be too old to act in it’

‘Oh fair enough’ said Harry, unconcerned.

‘Anyway I’m locking you in your room like a prisoner for a long time’

‘Damn, I was hoping you’d forget about that’

‘Don’t we all, because the bars I’m getting on your windows are going to cost me a bloody fortune!’

So the next day Harry simmered and sulked in his room, aware that the only thing keeping him sane was the fact that he had cost Uncle Vernon a lot of money and had therefore pretty much won in the end (Except for the fact that boredom was inevitable and it was a very LONG summer).

Chapter 2 – Flying, chewed up skateboards AND no cable!

After a day in his room all day, Harry was bored shitless and the day had felt like a week. How pathetic, at least in the book, he had to put up with three or four days of it. The Harry in this fic is such a baby.

It was night time and Harry lay asleep dreaming of what-ever the hell a pre-teen wizard would dream of. Needless to say we don’t want to know.

His glasses lay on a copy of ‘Which Owl?’ because Harry had finally gotten around to deciding to replace Hedwig – he was sure she had been the one who had started the revolt where owls now got paid for their work, the ungrateful gits. Anyway, back to the story.

Harry woke up from some strange noise and spotted a UFO in the starry sky.

‘What the fk is that?’ Harry wondered to himself.

Harry stared at the UFO for several more seconds.

And then a few more seconds and then wondered vaguely what the editors had been thinking when they had added these crappy and boring shots.

Whatever it was pulled up at his window and Harry decided it was a giant skateboard.

‘Oh crap a giant skateboard’s after me!’ Harry yelled stupidly.

Then he realized that Ron Weasley and his brothers Fred and George were driving it – no wonder why it looked so broken down and poor.

‘Shit Ron, why couldn’t you come in the morning to rescue me?’ Harry whined.

‘Well at the risk of being obvious I’d have to say because most muggles aren’t used to seeing flying giant skateboards’ he answered smugly.

‘Oh right. Couldn’t you afford the rest of the car?’ Harry inquired

‘Well er no, actually’ said George.

‘Oh alright then’

‘Yeah whatever’ said Ron. ‘Couldn’t you’ve at least packed your trunk before we got here, we are on a curfew you know!’

‘Sorry, I forgot!’

Ron and the others broke the expensive jail bars (which Harry inwardly smirked at, satisfied) and the bars came down with a resultant crash.

Harry hurriedly packed his junk and took it to the flying skateboard and had jumped on before Hedwig went off her face because he hadn’t taken her with him.

‘Damn it! I was hoping she’d stay asleep so I could get rid of her for good!’ Harry muttered, reluctantly grabbing her cage.

Her pleas of ‘Take me with you!’ woke up the Dursleys and now Harry had to make a run for it. In total Matrix envy, Harry performed a slow motion aerial jump onto the skateboard.

Just kidding – Harry isn’t that talented. He tried and failed. Uncle Vernon grabbed his foot and yelled

‘You and that pigeon aren’t going anywhere!’

‘I’m not a pigeon I’m a chicken’ Hedwig yelled back.

‘No you’re not’ Harry told her. ‘You’re a species-confused owl with a pay rise!’

Hedwig sat in the back and cried at the revealing truth.

Then Uncle Vernon did something fans never remembered reading in the book – he fell out the window without breaking a few vertebrae…amazing more incredible than Harry Potter himself…er no we won’t go that far.

‘By the way Harry’ said Ron as he clambered onto the skateboard. ‘Happy Birthday’

‘Are you kidding? My birthday was actually yesterday and did you even get me a card?’ Harry whined.

And with that he sulked for the rest of the journey, leaving Ron extremely confused because he was only following the movie script.

The Burrow

As Harry went inside, the first thing he saw was a sink full of dirty dishes. What a shit hole, he found himself thinking.

The dishes were washing themselves, which was lucky because the shippers had arrived.

Scrubbing brush/Frying pan shippers: Yay!

Anyway, they tried to sneak past Ron’s saber-toothed mum, but animal-like as she was she smelt them a mile off, but then and again the BO from four teen and pre-teen wizard boys cooped up on a skateboard all night might have contributed.

‘Where the bloody hell have you been? How on earth was I supposed to go extreme boarding this morning if you lot had bloody stolen it, you little shits!’

‘But Mum’ whined Ron ‘It’s part of the script and besides, Harry really had to destroy those expensive bars!’

‘I don’t care, now because of you I’ve missed my date with Tony Hawk – of course I don’t blame you Harry’ Mrs. Weasley said kindly to Harry.

‘Brown noser’ Fred muttered in Harry’s ear.

‘Well you’d better hope I don’t use you three as a skateboard! Mrs. Weasley quipped.

In Harry’s presence though, she did not seem to want to punish her sons further. Ron was betting that Gilderoy Lockhart wasn’t the only famous wizard Molly Weasley fancied and did worry for Harry’s virginity at his stay here.

‘Time for breakfast’ she said to impress Harry.

Enter Ron’s little sister and Harry’s future romance, Ginny Weasley running down the stairs. She wasn’t particularly pretty in this film but at least that won’t matter until movies 5 and 6…and possibly 7.

Ginny saw Harry after asking about her jumper and froze with fear.

‘Oh My God – he’s going to be my future husband?'

Harry/Ginny shippers: Yay!

Harry/Hermione shippers: We’re not delusional - we’re not!

‘Er, yeah sorry about that but I don’t write the books’ said Harry apologetically

‘It’s not that’ said Ginny irritably ‘You were a lot hotter in the book’

‘Beggars can’t be choosers’

‘Indeed, well shit happens’

And with that she ran away to pretend to swoon over her ‘secret’ heartthrob (A/N: Yeah like we didn’t know)

Arthur Weasley, the Weasley’s not so efficient financial provider walked through the door.

He met Harry and asked him about the function of a rubber duck and Harry replied ‘There is no spoon – I mean function (A/N: I was having a Matrix moment)

‘Oh’ said Mr. Weasley, clearly disappointed.

‘Anyway’ said Harry; changing the subject ‘Do you guys have cable here?’

As one, the Weasleys turned to face Harry and asked him: ‘What’s cable?’

The only thing Harry remembered before blacking out was his own shriek of horror. Things had indeed gone wrong…

Chapter 3: The Smelly, Horizontal Diagon Alley

It had to be all a dream. There had to be cable.

Harry woke up. It was not a dream. There was no cable. Was there a chance that there was magical cable in Diagon Alley? Harry would have to find out whenever they went there.

OK. Harry clamed himself in time to watch the pathetic, lame, drugged owl Errol crash into the window. It was funny how one animal could represent half the Weasley family so realistically.

Anyway Percy, older brother and future jerk went to collect the mail because he was a lick-ass, especially to his parents. (A/N: Chocolate anyone?)

‘Oh about time!’ said Mrs. Weasley. ‘We finally got the letters so it’s time to go to Diagon Alley!’
She eyed Harry mischievously.

Harry like Ron had just begun to worry about the safety of his virginity. No doubt Mrs. Weasley was looking for an opportunity to get Harry alone. Harry shifted as far as physically possible away from Mrs. Weasley and went with Ron to get dressed for Diagon Alley.

The Weasley’s Fireplace

Harry and the Weasleys stood by the fireplace and Harry was beginning to wonder what they were doing when he was offered a fine powder – Floo powder.

Harry thought he was much too young to be snuffing drugs and the like and was about to say so when Ron spoke aloud:

‘Harry doesn’t know how to use Floo powder Mum!’

‘Oh he doesn’t? How cute! I love innocence in a man’ said Mrs. Weasley fondly.

Mr. Weasley gave Mrs. Weasley a knowing look and a glare and motioned for her to explain to Harry. She did so and Harry took some of the powder to the fireplace. He was to snuff the powder and then speak the name of the place he wanted to go.

Either way, to Harry it sounded like snuffing drugs and he now knew why a lot of wizards were eccentric – they were high on floo powder. Harry guessed that also explained Dumbledore’s behaviour.

Mrs. Weasley was still banging on about it and seeing the look in her eye Harry felt the need to get as far away from her as possible.

‘Any place but here’ said Harry frantically, whilst snuffing the powder.

Harry was engulfed by a large amount of green flames and disappeared to the next scene in the movie.

‘What did he say?’ Mrs. Weasley fretted.

Diagon Alley’ Mr. Weasley lied, making a mental note to commit his wife and marry a muggle as soon as the Harry Potter series was finished.

‘Any place but here’ that actually turned out to be Knockturn Alley'

Harry arrived in a rush of soot.

‘If wizards are so superior, then why can’t they invent cleaner and more hygienic ways of travel?’ Harry wondered vaguely as he got to his feet and put on his broken glasses.

Insert dramatic and scary music to go with the scene.

Harry tapped a glass of skulls.

‘Anyone awake in there?’ he asked them. Not surprisingly, the skulls did not say anything back because they had no line in this movie and skulls are not alive. He then noticed a scabby, rotting hand on a cushion.

‘Oh, I should touch the scabby, dangerous hand with a sign under it that says not to touch it!’
Harry/Hand of Glory shippers: Joy!

Harry touched the hand and then the hand tried to rip his hand off.

‘Shit…shit…shit!’ Harry yelled. ‘Get off you bad ass hand!’ The words ‘bad ass’ seemed to have worked and the hand let go and Harry ran out of the place.

In Knockturn Alley, some evil looking people started looking at him. And then they came over. And then they grabbed Harry!

‘Not lost are you dear?’ said one witch.

‘What is this, Hansel and Gretel or something!’ asked Harry, getting slightly miffed at all the unasked attention. Harry only liked attention when he was seeking it.

‘Oh crap, are you telling me we got the wrong location again?’ shrieked the witch.

‘Yeah, sorry about that’ said Harry in response. ‘This is actually Harry Potter 2’

‘Oh, well do you reckon I could get a part in any upcoming movies?’

‘Sure…’ said Harry, secretly trying to think of a way out of this situation.

It came to him when Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper came to rescue him.

Harry/Hagrid shippers: …(A/N: Don’t look so surprised, there are no Harry/Hagrid shippers!)

Once outside Knockturn Alley, Hagrid started to scold Harry.

‘What the F--K do you think you’re doing in there Harry? That’s a casting agency. You do not go to a new casting agency before a movie series is over!’

‘I didn’t mean to’ said Harry apologetically. ‘I was trying to (sort of) get to get to Diagon Alley. What were you doing there?’ he said, rounding on Hagrid.

‘Well if yeh must know, I was buyin’ deodorant, no doubt I need it’ he said bitterly.

Hagrid had always been sensitive about his personal hygiene, which in Hagrid’s case was exceptionally bad.

Hagrid led Harry to Diagon Alley where they met up with Hermione, Harry’s other best friend.

Harry/Hermione shippers: YAY!

Everyone else: Delusional!

‘Harry you broke your glasses again, you are such a twit!’ squealed Hermione, without even saying hello.

‘Occulus reparo’
Obviously the spell worked and Harry’s glasses were fixed.
But Harry was now confused. In the book Mr. Weasley had fixed his glasses and now Hermione should have been given a warning letter at least. How come Hermione got all the perks? They made Ron out to be such a loser when he wasn’t deserving of it, especially when Hermione’s been stealing people’s roles and lines.

Unfortunately for Harry, he did not know that when a movie was made from a book; plots could and would be ruined. Anyway Harry thought nothing of it because he thought Hermione just might have been following the wrong script.

They said their goodbyes to Hagrid and hurried off to ‘Florish and Blots’, Harry still looking sooty and Hermione looking remarkably clean.

‘Oh it’s the make up’ said Hermione in answer to the author’s comment. ‘I haven’t actually showered in three days’

‘Yeah, you couldn’t ever tell!’ said Harry sarcastically, pinching his nose in disgust.

‘Why thank you, Harry!’ said Hermione brightly, missing the sarcasm in Harry’s voice not for the first time.

Chapter 4 – Please Define Agression

At Flourish and Blot’s Harry and Hermione met with the Weasleys. Unfortunately for Harry, Mrs. Weasley was there and happened to pat him on the arm as they went. Now Hermione had begun to fear for Harry’s virginity.

‘What’s the bet you’ll still be a virgin by the end of the summer?’ Hermione whispered.

‘Not a bloody good one’ Harry mumbled back. ‘I’m so avoiding her forever from now on’.

Before Hermione could say anything else they realized that all the looks and fluffing up of hair was not for Harry but for Gilderoy Lockhart, an internationally famous and incredibly stupid wizard and yet his books were selling.

It was known however, that after reading one of his books, the reader’s IQ dropped about 20 points. Yes, he was famous for the only known school textbook that could make the students dumber.

Anyway, Harry and the Weasleys were now concerned for Lockhart’s virginity and that was basically the only part they were concerned for. Yes, tragically Lockhart was still a virgin.
After Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had a perve, Lockhart discovered Harry, whilst the Daily Prophet reporter took photos.

‘Oh-My-God!’ Squealed Lockhart breathlessly. ‘You’re Harry Potter! You so have to be in the picture with me and we’ll be on the front page together!’

Harry was now doubly concerned for his virginity. Harry was still miffed that he was getting all this unwanted attention; what was he supposed to do later when he wanted to have a tantrum and everyone’s efforts were wasted here?

‘Ladies and gentlemen’ Lockhart said, bringing Harry back to reality. ‘Can you freaking believe this? And I get to teach at his school too. I’m just such a diehard fan. Yes, you guessed it folks; we will be married one day! Oh yeah, he gets all my books too because he’s just so gorgeous!’

Draco Malfoy watched from above, jealous that Lockhart wanted to marry Harry and not him.

Draco/Lockhart shippers: No!

Harry/Lockhart shippers: Excellent!

Harry was now triply concerned for said virginity and rather than say anything, backed away as quickly as possible.

On the way out, Harry and the Weasleys ran into Draco and had to endure his little hissy fit.

‘Famous Harry Potter, can’t even go into a book shop without being promised marriage!’

‘Don’t be jealous Draco’ said Ginny. ‘You can have him coz I want Harry all to me’

Yes Harry was still concerned for his virginity.

Insert Draco’s evil father, Lucius Malfoy who just so happened to walk in to the lovely little reunion taking place at present.

‘Now, now Draco be nice’ Mr. Malfoy drawled. ‘I expect you’ll be getting a similar proposal from Lockhart any day now. Too bad old Voldy didn’t get you years ago…’

‘Now that’s not very nice’ said Harry indignantly, tears forming in his eyes.

‘No it wasn’t. Oh, nice scar by the way. Might I just add that if it weren’t for you, the Dark Lord and I would be married right now?’

‘Hmmm, K’ said Harry, unconcerned. Revenge always caught up with him later in the movie so he would have plenty of time to sit back and relax for a while without worrying.

Getting to the point, Lucius and Harry gave each other each an evil glare and Mr. Weasley stepped in before anything else pointless could happen.

‘Don’t you insult my family’ said Mr. Weasley warningly

‘I haven’t…yet’ Mr. Malfoy whined. ‘You didn’t even give me a chance to! What’s the point of being a good guy when you haven’t even let me be bad yet?’

‘Indeed’ said Mr. Weasley. ‘Anyway could you please just insert the plot point and be on your way’

‘Oh of course. Wouldn’t want to keep you waiting’

And with that, Mr. Malfoy inserted the fore mentioned plot point and was on his way.

‘Anyway, until I seek revenge, carry on’ Mr. Malfoy and he and Malfoy junior walked out of the shop.

Harry thought Mr. Malfoy had to be the most pathetic bully in history but thought it would be rude to say so. Instead he asked: ‘So where can you buy magical cable TV?’

The Weasleys looked at him as if he’d just sworn but then Ginny piped up to say: ‘What’s a TV?’

It was happening again. The worst thing was he had half-expected that question. Needless to say, it didn’t make fainting or moving to the next scene any easier for himself or the audience. He then hit the realization that fainting at every little inconvenience was probably the most pathetic thing in history. No, scratch that he thought to himself. There is still next year and the practice is good.

Chapter 5 – The Smell of Fear

(Which funnily enough smells like crap)

Well fainting had its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage being that the director could cut more and more scenes from the book without much trouble and the disadvantage being that…well fainting did make Harry look like the biggest sissy on big screen in the history of movies.

King’s Cross Station

Ok, everyone went to King’s Cross Station late as ever (with no explanation thanks to the director). Conveniently enough, Ron and Harry were the last to go through the barrier.

‘We better hurry up Harry or we’ll be late for the train!’ yelled Ron.

‘Hey Ron’ said Harry absently. ‘Have you noticed that if you say King’s Cross Station really quickly it sounds like King’s crustacean?’

‘Harry I think you’re missing the point here’

‘Oh, right…I suppose we better get moving then…’

Harry and Ron ran into the barrier to find that it had shut itself and wouldn’t let them through. As a result, they totally stacked it.

‘Hey nice stack!’ exclaimed a random kid.

Harry glared at the random kid. ‘I’ll give you nice stack you little sh—

‘Well it was a nice stack’ said Hedwig. ‘But did you have to knock me over at the same time!’

‘Hence the point of a stack’ said Ron pointedly.

Harry wasn’t really in the mood to discuss the concepts and morals behind stacking and changed the subject.

‘I don’t really want to discuss what makes a stack – can we concentrate as to why we can’t get through’

‘Yeah’ said Ron. Then he randomly said: ‘Screw it – we’ll take the car!’

‘Isn’t that somewhat irresponsible’ wondered Harry aloud

‘Well yeah, said Ron agreeably. ‘But we’re twelve so we can get away with it and we are with you of all people. So I’d say we’ll be fine.

‘Well it is me I guess. All right, we’ll take the car.

Flying High in the Sky…

Well Ron and Harry had successfully high jacked the car and were flying high in the sky…

‘You know Ron, it would have been better if you’d turned the car invisible before we got into the air’

‘Yeah, Ron agreed. ‘But then we won’t get in trouble for it later, thus ruining the entertainment value of this movie’

‘…Oh…right um Ron, did you fart or something?’

‘Well yeah, I kind of really need to go to the toilet at this point.’

‘Oh OK then’

‘Right so anyway – where’s the train?’

‘On the train tracks, where else?’ said Harry, completely dumbfounded at Ron’s lack of logic. This lack of logic was further demonstrated when seconds later, Ron drove onto the train tracks where the sound of a whistle could be heard.

‘Hmm…must be getting close’ said Ron absently.

So then, the train suddenly came up behind them and Ron finally did something smart and veered out of the way. The car turned round and round for the sake of it and then shot higher into the air.

And then Harry fell out of the car.

And then Ron completely freaked out trying to get Harry back into the car and finally succeeded despite getting incredibly sweaty palms.

‘What’s that smell?’ exclaimed Harry, disgusted. ‘Did you fart again Ron?’

‘Well actually no I didn’t fart this time’ blushed Ron weakly.

‘Are you telling me you shat yourself? Yelled Harry incredulously. ‘How on earth am I supposed to live through this?

‘Well I was nervous you see and I’m slightly afraid of heights – um wind down the window’, Ron suggested trying to change the subject.

Harry obliged accordingly and tried to think of sunshine and daisies. Needless to say – it didn’t work.

‘I should have listened to Mum when she said to pack a spare change of underwear’ said Ron gloomily.

Later – getting very close to Hogwarts

Harry and Ron’s faces lit up at the sight of Hogwarts. Harry at the prospect of getting away from Ron’s smell of fear and Ron at the change of underwear.

All of a sudden, the car began to splutter and went down…and down…and down…

‘Did you even fuel the car up before we left?’ asked Harry.

‘What’s fuel?’

Harry rolled his eyes seven times over.

‘Can we try and go up now?’

‘You think I haven’t been trying that for the last twenty seconds?’

Then screaming took up the audio for the next ten seconds.

‘Don’t hit that tree!’ yelled Harry in despair.

So Ron of course a firm believer in reverse psychology had to hit the tree, breaking his wand in the process.

Rolling Around in the tree

More screaming took up the audio until the car stopped in the tree’s branches.

The car shuddered.

The car shuddered again, more violently.

Harry could smell a familiar smell.

‘Did you shit yourself again!’

Ron tried a dignified silence.

‘OK last time I ride in a car with you – ever’

The tree began to try and kill Ron and Harry by banging the car.

The tree tried to grab Harry through the window and the magical knot on the tree winked.

‘I think that tree likes me’ said Harry, again worried about his virginity.

Whomping Willow/Harry shippers: Yay!

The tree growled.

‘I want you Harry!’ it said.

‘You can have Harry if you don’t eat me’, yelled Ron shitting himself yet again.

‘Some friend you are’, Harry observed.

The tree stopped for a second and then choked.

‘What is that smell!’

‘Ron shat himself’

‘Some friend you are’, said Ron sulkily.

The tree shuddered in disgust and violently dropped the car.

The car took control and drove away from the tree before it could faint on them and the tree shuddered in disgust, back to an innocent tree with a crush on Harry.

Absolutely sickened, the blue Ford Anglia dumped the shitty Ron, whose personal mess had now reached the seat of the car, the pets and Harry and then drove into the Forbidden Forest. Harry and Ron attempted to run after it but gave up when they saw they had no chance.

‘My parents will kill me for shitting in their car’ muttered Ron helplessly.

Shit/Ford Anglia shippers: Yay!

Hogwarts castle (after Ron had a change of underwear)

Ron/Clean Underwear shippers: Yay!

After storing their luggage, Ron and Harry headed towards the common room in the hopes of getting away with everything thus far only to run into Filch and his fiancée, Mrs. Norris, who obviously had not divorced from Mr. Norris because of their current legal case happening at the moment.

‘Oh dear, someone shat themselves’ said Filch to Mrs. Norris. ‘In fact the smell is what led me here’

Filch smiled wickedly. Harry glared at Ron. Ron blushed and Harry fainted from prolonged exposure to the toxic fumes of shit. Wow scene changes were getting easier and easier for good old Christopher Columbus. And should I also point out that the smell of fear could undoubtedly be used to everyone’s advantage.

‘Dominion: story of a legend’ A Yu-gi-oh fan fiction. By Melissa Hill

Rating: PG-13
Words: 4,046
Genre: Romance, Action/Adventure

He sighed. ‘This is so boring. Why did I come in the first place?’ He was taking a tour around his soon to be kingdom. In three weeks he was to become pharaoh. ‘I wish this would just-

“RUN!”

He was pulled from his thoughts at this call. Wondering what in Ra’s name had happened he looked around. Priest Seth rode up beside him.

“Prince Yami head back to the palace now!” he said in a low voice.

“Why?”

“Use your brain, look around you.” Seth growled.

Yami chose to ignore the insult and for the first time took interest in his surroundings. The city was in chaos. Riders dressed all in black where riding towards him and his party, swords drawn. The townsfolk were running in all directions, trying to get out of the way. Only a few stayed to fight.

One in particular caught his eye. Dressed in white flared leather pants, a white bodice like halter leather top and white boots it was hard to miss her. Light brown hair was cut short and pulled back and in either hand she carried a sword.

She easily fell in to a fighting stance as the riders approached. She shouted something to the townsfolk who had stayed to fight. They obeyed instantly, spreading out and leaving the girl in the middle. She obviously knew what she was doing.

“Yami would you move!” Seth shouted at him.

Pulled out of his trance he turned his horse and followed the party out of town. He looked back. Three of his guards and Seth had stayed back to fight. He scanned the crowd of fighters and found the white clad girl easily holding her own. He turned and rode back to the palace. ‘Almost looked like she was having fun’.

------------------------------------------

The white clad girl was having fun. Fighting was what she was best at, among other things. She easily fought and dodges, every strike bringing down a horse or rider. And she had yet to be hurt. ‘Yeah go me, go me’ she would have bounced up and down but that was a stupid thing to do in the middle of a fight. A horseless black coat came up to her and swung his sword. She blocked easily and lunged in cutting his throat. She was unaware that she was being watched intently by Priest Seth.


The fight was soon over. Dominion surveyed the ground to count her losses. Two townspeople and 1 guard down. No injuries. And the enemy was completely destroyed. Meh, not bad.

“Girl, what’s your name?” a commanding aloof voice said.

Dominion turned around to see none other than the Pharaoh’s High Priest Seth.

“That is none of your concern” she spat back at him. Seth’s eyes narrowed.

“I asked you a question and I expect an answer. What is your name?”

She sighed. “Dominion. Can I go now?”

“No. You’re coming with me back to the palace. You will be recruited and trained with the guards.” Seth said and turned to leave.

“What if I don’t want to?” she questioned to his retreating back.

“You have no choice.” Seth replied not looking around.

“Alright then. Why me? I’m an orphan, I’m not Egyptian and I thought you didn’t take girls into the guard.” The guard was known to consist of pureblood Egyptian males. No girls never even tried to get in, let alone get asked to join.

That made Seth turn around. He looked her up and down. Then shrugged.

“Thought you didn’t look Egyptian. And exceptions are made for the guard as you’re a very skilled fighter. I also don’t care about bloodlines.” Compared to everyone around her she definitely didn’t look like an Egyptian. Next to the tanned Egyptians she looked very pale.

“Hmpf.” Dominion sighed and started to walk up to Seth. Stopping directly in front of him she looked him in the eye.

Smiling innocently she said “Whose horse do I get?”

He rolled his eyes then turned and pointed to a huge black stallion. The horse stamped and let out a ringing cry.

“Hope he’s not too much for you.” he said smirking.

“Nah what’s his name?”

“Name him as you like.” Seth said now growing impatient.

“Hmpf fine.”

Dominion walked directly to the horses head and whispered in his ear.

“Hello Dark Dream. I’m Dominion, nice to meet you.”

The newly named Dark Dream nodded his great head. Dominion then mounted him with ease. The rest of the guards only stared. Dominion heard someone whisper-

“I thought that horse was crazy”

She only smiled. She directed Dark Dream over to the waiting group and simply said-

“Lead the way.”

Dominion: 1
Seth: 0

3 days later

Word spread quickly around the palace of Dominion’s arrival. All the guards were now in awe of her. While everyone else was just plain scared.

It had been discovered that not only was she a very skilled warrior but she was also a very skilled mage. She was a master in both black and white magic’s and not far away from mastering shadow magic. Also she had never played a shadow game in her life as she had originally lived in England and didn’t really care. She didn’t want to learn either, even though just about every guard had offered to teach her.

She was currently sitting on the steps that lead up to the throne watching the prince in a shadow game.


‘This is so boring. It’s such a meaningless competition. You lose you get sent to the Shadow Realm. Great way to die. Guess I at least get to admire the prince. He sure is hot. What the heck am I thinking? Ugh this is gonna be a long day.’ Dominion thought.

“Dominion come here.” The pharaoh (Yami’s dad) said.

‘Grreeaatt. What does he want?’ She got up and walked up the steps. Stopping about 2 meters away she bowed.

“You look bored. You do not have to stay. I won’t force you to watch. Just do me one thing” the pharaoh said.

“Anything my pharaoh.” ‘Not’. Dominion replied.

“Would you make sure your ready to be presented to the court tonight? You have not been formally introduced to my son. And you have to know him to be his personal guard.”

“Personal guard sire?” she gulped. ‘Why me’

“Yes now get ready. Serenity will be there shortly.” With that he dismissed her.

“Yes sire” she turned and left. ‘Shit, what else can go wrong today.’ She had no idea that her question would soon be answered.



He was sitting on his throne; about to be introduced to someone he’d only seen glimpses of.

‘Have to admit she looked alright those couple of times.’

His musing came to a halt when a herald entered the room.

“My pharaoh, prince are you ready to begin?”

‘No’ Yami thought. But his traitor of a mouth said “Sure” though without much enthusiasm.

The pharaoh looked at his son and raised an eyebrow. Yami only shrugged. The pharaoh rolled his eyes and said that he too was ready. The herald walked back to the door and went through.

‘Great here we go, hope it’s not s letdown. My guards are constantly talking about her. It’s beginning to get irritating’ again his musings were cut short when the herald re-entered the room.

“My pharaoh, Prince Yami I would now like to officially introduce you to Dominion of England.” He then stepped aside to reveal a very beautiful Dominion standing in the doorway.

‘Oh my Ra she looks amazing.’ Yami was now trying very hard to stop his jaw dropping. ‘Why
‘me? Why do I have to become a personal guard? I just want to master my magic and live a normal life’ she sighed.

“-Dominion of England.”

‘Joy, that’s my cue.’ She took a deep breath and walked through the door.

The whole room suddenly burst into frantic whispers.

‘She’s gorgeous’

‘Hope she’s single’

‘Pervert. And I am not gorgeous’ after those comments she tuned out the mutterings and approached the throne.

Stopping at the base of the steps, she curtsied low to the pharaoh, head bowed. She then turned to the prince and curtsied again. This time she didn’t bow her head. She looked straight into his crimson eyes. He looked straight back at her, maintaining the eye contact. Though it only lasted for a few seconds for those around them, for the two teens it seemed to last for an eternity.

‘His eyes are gorgeous. Matches the red in his hair.’

‘She has the clearest blue-grey I’ve ever seen. Goes really well with her hair’

Then Dominion blinked and bowed her head. Mentally slapping herself she thought-

‘What the hell did I do that for? He probably thinks I’m a disrespectful slut or something. Though he is really hot....’ ‘Nuh uh no way, not thinking those thoughts’

While Dominion fought her inner battle, Yami was thinking along the same lines.

‘She’s even prettier than I expected. Bold, doesn’t seem to care what other people think. Not one of those disgustingly shy princesses. Wouldn’t mind getting to know her – NOT thinking that!’

The herald cleared his throat.

‘Wa- Oh crap. Focus Dom, focus.’ She was definitely having a hard time keeping her thoughts away from a certain prince. ‘Guess I’d better sound polite.’

“My pharaoh, my prince, it’s a great honor to meet you both” she said.

‘Hope that does it.’

“And to you Dominion. My son will escort you to dinner. At that he clapped his hands and stood up, then left. The rest of the crowd started to follow.


‘Great one dad. Now I have to sit next to her at dinner and keep her entertained. If I can keep my eyes off her’

“Dominion it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner?”

Dominion put on a fake English accent and said-

“Why certainly my prince, my life would not be complete without it.” At the last word she stamped her foot and put her nose in the air.

The whole act made Yami laugh.

“Nah seriously, I’ll accompany you only if you call me Dom.”

“Okay, only if you call me Yami. I’m sick of being called My Prince”

“Ha ha. I can understand that” she said, laughing.

“Shall we go?”

“Of course”

He held his arm out to her. She gently laid her hand in the curve of his elbow, sending electric shocks up his arm. ‘What the?’ he thought and started to walk quite fast to the banquet hall.

“Whoa. Not so fast. I can barely walk in this dress!” Dominion exclaimed.

Yami slowed and looked her over. Her dress was dark blue. ‘Same colour as her eyes’ he noted. The top was bodice like with silver laces and beaded with diamonds and sapphires, showing off her perfect body. The skirt flared out from the hips and faded from dark blue to silver.

“It’s gorgeous but hot, heavy and uncomfortable” she said, noticing he was looking her up and down.

He remembered back to what she was wearing the first day he say her.

“Hmpf” he said and started walking. ‘Not as unfriendly as I thought”


Dinner turned out to be quite fun. They learnt how when Dominion was four she was orphaned and taken in by an Egyptian family. She had no memory of when before she was four or how she got to Egypt. She was trained with a sword and just about every other weapon there was. At age seven she began training with her magic. And now at age seventeen she only needed a little more training to master her shadow magic.

“You know Dominion. My son could teach you what you need to know about shadow magic. He mastered it two years ago.”

Dominion glanced at Yami who shrugged.

“If he wishes, I would be honored.”

The pharaoh looked at his son who nodded.

“It would be good practice.”

So it was decided that tomorrow Dominion would begin lessons with the prince.

‘Oh, what fun.’ She thought and went back to eating her desert.


Three weeks later

The party was in full swing. Everyone was dancing, drinking, talking or eating. Generally having a good time. Well, almost everyone that is. The host of this party was sitting on his throne, bored out of his mind. Parties weren’t really his thing. Watching the dancing couples he noticed that Dominion was being passed around like a child’s toy, and did not seem all that happy about it. He could see, even from this distance, her eyes obtain a red glint. He decided, for a bit of fun, to go and rescue her.

So he made his way down the steps from his uncomfortable throne ‘I must get that padded’ and wove through the crowd to where Dominion was. Tapping the shoulder of the man she was dancing with he asked/commanded-

“May I have this dance with her?”

Dominion shot him a grateful look and let go of the man instantly while he took his time, earning a glare from both of them. He left very quickly then.

“Well my Pharaoh, what did I do to earn the pleasure of dancing with you?” laying on the fake English accent.

Yami laughed.

“You looked in need of rescuing fair lady.” He replied, placing a hand on her hip. Her right hand came to rest on his shoulder, and their left hands joined, fingers intertwined. They danced like this for quite a while.


Yami was amazed at how well she could dance. He told her that too.

Dominion laughed.

“I was taught by a friend years ago.”

“Explains it.”

Dominion nodded. After a few minutes more of dancing in silence Dominion stopped.

“It’s getting hot in here. I’m going outside. You’re welcome to join me.” She said then wove through the crowd and slipped out the door.

‘I should wait a few minutes before following her.’

So he wove his way over to the drink table. Everyone seemed too drunk or tipsy to even notice he had left the throne, let alone was getting two drinks and was now making his way to the door. Once outside he stopped, thinking about where she could have gone. Remembering her awe over the gardens, he decides to try to find her there.

After 10 minutes of searching he hadn’t found her. He had covered six of the eight gardens. She couldn’t be in one of them because some of the magic keeping the plants alive went haywire, turning anyone who stepped into it to stone. The other one was the only one with a large pond. And that was where he found her.

She was sitting by the waters edge, on a rock, shoes off. She turned her head to see him.

“About time you found me.”

“You try looking through six gardens.”

She laughed.

“Is one of them for me?” she asked, motioning towards the drinks.

“Do you know how much you act like a princess sometimes?”

She batted her eyelashes and smiled sweetly. Yami groaned and handed her the drink, taking a seat on the ground beside her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until it was broken by Dominion throwing a nearby rock into the water.

“Damn it!!”

“What?” Yami asked, shocked by her sudden mood swing.

“I can’t lie anymore. People keep telling me I act like a princess.” She took a deep breath. “It’s because I was.” She stood up, letting the statement sink in.

Yami’s mind was racing. She was royal. She was a princess. What does she mean by was a princess, why didn’t she tell me?

“What do you mean by was? Why didn’t you tell me you were royal?”

She looked at him sadly and waded until she was knee deep in the water.

“I’m not the type of royal you’re thinking off. A year ago I was know as the Princess of Chaos.”
Yami looked at her blankly.

She sighed. “Perhaps it would be easier if I began at the beginning.”
She took a deep breath.

“When I told you about my past at that dinner I left out a lot. At the age of four I was supposedly abandoned by my parents at the edge of a small village. The strange thing was I couldn’t remember anything but my name and when I was born; it was like it was all erased. I was found by a band of thieves a few days later. They had a mage with them who sensed my magic. They took me back to their home, the city of thieves. I was in a bad way, dehydrated and starving. I was fed and nursed back to health. I was soon introduced to another orphan, whose parents had been killed in the making of the millennium items. We became fast friends. We soon began training together. He was a year. Thieves begin working at the age of six, so he started before me. He was very good. He quickly climbed through the ranks. By the time I started to steal he was good enough to teach me. We made a great team. When he turned 15 he was one of the best. I was close behind. A month before my 15th birthday I went with him on a raid. He got badly injured and I got mad. I created a shadow dragon that destroyed most of the village. That earned me the nickname Chaos. 3 weeks later I was injured. That’s were the scar came from.” She gestured to her back.

The scar ran from the base of her neck to the bottom of her back.

She continued. “By then he and I had become like siblings, he took charge and turned the tables of the fight. We went from losing to winning without anymore losses. Two months later the King of Thieves stepped down and named Bakura his heir.” At the mention of the current King of Thieves name Yami stood up.

“Yes Yami, Bakura. Your greatest enemy. May I continue?”

He nodded. So she continued.

“But Bakura did not want to become King without me. We were the best team, not to mention inseparable. So it was decided I would be given command of all the female thieves. Making me Queen. But you can’t be Queen without being married to the King, or that’s what they decided. So I was technically a princess. Bakura wasn’t happy with this, so he arranged for us to be married. Possessive bastard. I didn’t want to get married so I refused. So he stopped asking. He tried again a year ago. Again I refused. I thought of him as a brother, not a lover. He got angry and sent me on a raid. I refused that as well. By then he was really ticked off. So he had some of his men beat me. Then made the offer for marriage again. I said no and called him a coward. So he beat me. I fought back and managed to knock him out. Then I ran. I grabbed my possessions and ran. I ended up in a small town before I collapsed from exhaustion. I was taken in by a family. Those people I fought the day I was brought here were Bakura’s men. They were sent to kill you, but it seems that they were given orders to get me if they saw me. Then I was brought here. We became friends. After you beat me at that shadow battle I began to think differently of you.”

By now Dominion was blushing. But still she went on.

“Then you came to visit me after I was injured. I stopped thinking of you as a friend. I trusted you fully. You are something more, something special. But I knew I could never have you. I was a thief. I was the mage who assisted in the robbing of your great grandfather’s tomb. I’m not royal and I’m not exactly innocent. My record would go on for pages. I’m a cold-blooded killer, hardly a meek princess. Now your pharaoh. You’re even more out of my reach. I have to leave. My being here will only cause problem. It already has. Bakura knows where I am. He will come for me. I know it. I could not put you in danger. So I’m going to leave. I have one thing to give you before I leave.”

She turned to face him.

“You remember that prize I promised when you beat me?”

Yami could only nod.

Dominion closed the space between them and kissed him, full on the lips. It only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was enough to bring Yami back to the real world. She pulled away.

“Congratulations.” Was all she said before walking past him and starting to leave.

He whirled around.

“Dominion!”

She did nothing, just kept walking.

“Dom wait!” at that she froze and turned around.

“That’s the first time you’ve called me Dom.” She said softly.

Yami ignored the comment and approached her. She backed away.

“I don’t care that you were a thief. Your not now. You changed. You’re more than a friend to me. You deserve to be here.” He said softly, taking the opportunity to move closer to her.

“Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.”

“But I do mean it. I meant every word.”

“Stop it! You’re only making it harder for both of us when I leave.”

“Then don’t.”

“I have to.”

“No you don’t.”

“I do. I’m going to. Nothing anyone does will stop me.”

She tried to move away but he grabbed her arm.

“This might.” He said, and kissed her.

She stiffened briefly, and then relaxed. One arm went around his neck, the other arm, now free from Yami’s grasp, joined the first one, fingers in his hair. His hand rested on her lower back and hip. His tongue ran across her lower lip, asking for admittance. She complied. They soon broke for air. Then went at it again. Minutes passed and Yami began to kiss down her neck and along her collar bone, earning a faint gasp from her. He was about to kiss her again when a scream came from inside the palace.

They broke apart instantly and turned towards the sound. Someone screamed again.

“What do you think is going on?”

“Use your brain darling.”

Dominion stiffened at the voice and whirled around.

“Show yourself you coward.”

“You don’t learn do you sweetie?”

“Bakura show yourself.”

“Right behind you sweetling.”

She froze and slowly turned around, eyes changing from gold to pink.

Bakura put a finger under her chin and looked into her eyes.

“Scared Dom? Rare emotion for you.”

“You haven’t changed.” She said, wrenching her chin from his grasp.

“You haven’t either darling. Your hair is shorter though.”

She completely ignored the comment.

“You’re here for me aren’t you?”

“Yes darling. But the pharaoh being with you is certainly a surprise. I can get both of you now.”

“You leave him alone.”

“Or what darling? You’ll kill me. Don’t think even you could manage that when your unconscious.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“Remember when you were thirteen and you collapsed when you touched that black opal?”

“Yes.”

“Well let’s see if it works again.”

He grabbed her hand and placed a small black opal in it, then forced her to close her fist. Her eyes turned purple and she collapsed onto his chest. He turned her around and held her up by an arm around her waist. He stroked her cheek.

“She’s beautiful isn’t she?”

“What did you do to her?”

“She’s simply sleeping. Black opals drain her of her magic, thus exhausting her.”

“Yami – What happened here?” Seth asked, arriving from a nearby path.

“I will tell you later.”

At least 10 guards then arrived from the same path as Seth. They all stopped and stared at Bakura and the unconscious Dominion.

“Well it’s time for me to leave.” Bakura said and opened a shadow gate, disappearing through it, it closed moments later. Leaving a shocked Yami, Seth and the guards.

‘She’s gone.’

Little Red Riding Cloak By Brenton Martin 2003

Once upon a time, there lived a little girl who always wore a red cloak; therefore, she was always called Little Red Riding Cloak.

One day she went for a walk. A little later on she was rudely interrupted by her Mother on her phone telling her to come home immediately. When Little Red Riding Cloak got home, her Mother told her to take some cookies to Grandma. Little Red Riding Cloak liked Grandma so she was obliged to go.

So off she went but her Mother warned her not to go into the magical forest. So being your average teenage adolescent of course unknown to the average adult (or might just forgotten), she went against her better judgement and went into the magical forest. As she walked she thought of a song and it went as follows:

HI HO HI HO,
It’s off to see Grandma I go,

…….. and so on and so forth.

Suddenly some dwarfs jumped out of the bushes and one of them said, “Neat song you got there, would you be willing to sell the rights”. As the dwarf said this, he produced a handful of gold from his pocket. On seeing this Little Red Riding Cloak produced a piece of paper and a song manuscript (she knew getting the rights to this song would be good (her parents thought it was a waste) and signed the song over to the Dwarfs and in return received her Gold.

Little Red Riding Cloak kept on her way and not long after saw three little pigs being bullied by a wolf. Little Red Riding Cloak hated bullies so she picked up a rather large stick, hid it behind her back, and called out to the wolf, "Hey you big bully why don't you pick on someone your own size".

When the wolf heard this, he smiled and ran at Little Red Riding Cloak. When he was just in range, Little Red Riding Cloak let her stick fly. By the time it was over the wolf was little more than a rather battered and bruised lump of fur. The pigs thanked Little Red Riding Cloak and she set off again.

After walking for a little while, Little Red Riding Cloak came to a river and in the middle of that river was a Ginger Bread Man climbing further and further up a crocodile’s nose. As she watched, the crocodile smiled broadly then "snap" in one big bite the ginger bread man was swallowed whole. Little Red Riding Cloak thought this was very mean and so pulled out her mobile phone and dropped it into the water. This totally fried the croc and Little Red Riding Cloak walked off with a smug look on her face.

Finally, she left the magic forest, only to find herself only a little way from grandmas. Little Red Riding Cloak knocked on granny's door and was welcomed by the smiling face of grandma. Little Red Riding Cloak told granny all about her adventures. Suddenly the doorbell rang and granny went out to see who it was. At the door, there was a very angry looking wobbly wolf and a even angrier crocodile. Granny soon took care of them with a beach umbrella. When she was done, a Woodchopper ran over to see what all the commotion was about just then the press appeared and the woodchopper got all the glory.

The Land of Little People By Callum Hays

Illustrations by
Marcelo Pedruzzi Ferranti & Roberta Hays
Dedicated to my year 3 teacher Mrs Hams
Who encouraged me to write this book.

Once there was a boy named Max power but everybody called him Max. One day Max went to take his dog (Ruby) for a walk. But while he was taking Ruby for a walk, Ruby ran away, then Max found 2 trees that looked the same, so he walked between the trees then he vanished. He ended up in Indonesia in 1655 on a hill.

Max looked down from the hill and saw what looked like puppets except with no strings so he went to see what they were. When he got off the hill he saw that the puppets weren’t puppets or animals they were miniature sized humans! He stared in amazement and asked them “where am I” they stopped working and just stared at Max and said “Him”.



They all rushed to Max and stared at Max again. Then the chief came towards Max and gave Max a sword and said, “fight!” then 2 small people instantly and dragged Max on the ground. They came to a stop at a cave, they pointed at the cave and said danger so Max definitely knew there was danger in that cave.



Then the little men pushed Max into the cave. Max tried to run out of the cave but the small humans were guarding the way out so he guessed he had to face the terrible beast that lay at the back of the cold and dark cave behind him, Max turned around and walked slowly toward the end. ½ a minute later… Max was still walking slowly but his legs were acing then something growled “who’s there” yelled Max, at this moment Max’s heart was temporarily beating aloud then max saw a sliver in the dark he looked closer then it hit him!



It was a half shark half dragon sort of monster Max quickly pulled his sword out of its case, but it hit him again before he could get any grip on the sword this time Max hit the monsters body but nothing happened? Not a scratch? Then he remembered some survival tips he red in a book once in the library it said: A shark’s weak spot is its gill’s or its eye’s. Then the Monster started blowing fire and almost hit him but he quickly dodged the attack then he aimed and threw the sword into the Monsters gills and killed it.

Max had scratches all over him and was very weak. Then max went to look at the dead Monster, he looked behind it and took his Sword out, he looked back up again but this time he saw a shining golden thing in the shape of an oval, it was an egg! Max looked behind him and saw 4 small humans running towards him. They got closer and closer until they were only 5 meters away then 2 of them grabbed Max but the other 2 were going toward the egg.
The small humans took him and the egg back to their village.



When he got closer to the village he saw a fire unlike any other, with flames of, green, blue, yellow, red and orange then they threw the egg into the fire but why? Why would someone throw a giant golden egg into the fire? But then he noted that the clouds where turning into gold and then formed a twister!

Max tried to run away from the twister but it sucked him up too early. Soon Max was spinning around so fast he almost spewed, then the twister stopped and Max was falling into what looked like a golden fire Max was screaming for his life hoping that someone would rescue him in time but unfortunately he fell.

He did not die nor have any scratches on him he was completely unharmed, but he was lying on the grass in the park, he stood up and saw Ruby in front of him so Max stood up thinking it was all a dream and took Ruby home.



The End

The Szornian’s Pine Tree By Clinton Roddick

The Birth of the OakPine Ring

They simply called it The Pine Tree. It towered above the dense forest, catching the first rays of morning sun. To the Szornian tribe, it was the god who helped their every endeavour. While they worshipped and gave it regular sacrifices, the spirit within was not upset by being captive, unable to roam free. To keep the Szornians worshipping it, it called bountiful harvests to them; game was abundant, and they were hardier and stronger than other tribes. Angered, the Pine Tree would release fine yellow-brown spores, slowly killing its victim, until it released them from the curse. It also protected them against invaders – to a certain degree.
Rumours of The Pine Tree filtered through the vast jungle to the cooler south lands where great civilisations lived…


Haelrr well remembered kneeling before King Yolun and Queen Elyyn; being commended for bravery in battle and being given a place in the Northern Forest Expedition, led by General Pyter. They were to head north past the kingdoms of Diffranti and Yillan, before leaving the Kingdom of Migea behind and venture into the trackless forests that made up Ritella. Unlike the heady delights of civilisation – the taverns, the wonderful crafts and the lifestyle – Ritella was full of savage, warring tribesfolk.
He was a Kyarin from Kyari, one of the three south-eastern kingdoms that refused to accept magic being practised in their kingdom. Like all good Kyarins, Haelrr believed that magic was a plague of evil. Mages were banned from Kyari unless they had permission granted by either King Yolun or Queen Elyyn.
The Expedition – made up of almost fifty people from the Warrior Family – left immediately, marching out to the applause of many. The love of his life, Daran, waved to him, wishing him good luck. He had decided to bring back a trophy and give it to Daran, as a wedding gift.
After leaving Ky, the capital city of Kyari behind, and while travelling north to Ritella, Haelrr met up with two close friends from his childhood; Verren, a loud and brave warrior, and Varia, one of the fifteen female warriors on the Expedition. She was fearless and cunning.
In Ritella, after meeting with two tribes, they heard of a feared tribe called Szornian which, as rumour had it, had a potent magic weapon – the Pine Tree.
‘General Pyter will hunt down this tribe f’r sure.’ Verren confided to Varia and Haelrr around the camp fire. A tankard of weak beer clutched in his large hand.
‘A’corse he will- like any honourable Kyarin who cleaves to our knowledge and beliefs.’ Varia replied. She also held beer in one hand. She tipped her head back and drank deeply.
Haelrr also took a draught, and said: ‘If it is a tree, why not cut it down as a trophy to take home for furniture. That will show them that not even evil can stop those who are right and good.’
‘And maybe bring home a little something for your sweetheart, Daran.’ teased Varia grinning evilly at him. She knew of their love for each other. Although she was a warrior maiden and Daran a lesser noble, they were good friends. True Warrior families – like those of Varia, Haelrr, Verren and General Pyter – were on a par with lesser nobles, but usually lived apart socially.
Haelrr grinned, quaffing some more beer. He enjoyed Varia’s teasing manner, knowing that she was just joking around. ‘Aye, and a little something for my “sweetheart”, as you say.’
Verren roared with laughter.
General Pyter called out for them to bed down for the night. ‘It’ll be a long night, and a longer day!’ he called out to them.


Next morning they were woken early by loud, clear bird calls. They hunted for breakfast, amazed at the amount of game available. Usually fresh food was scarce and ran away at the smell of people. Soon the air was full of the aromatic smells of game cooking, supplemented with abundant fruit. They enjoyed the heartiest breakfast they’d had in ages.
‘Ya know what this means,’ mumbled Verren, his mouth full of cooked bush pig.
‘No… and wait until your mouth is empty before talking, you disgusting person.’ Varia told him.
‘We’re near the Szornian camp.’ He winked and tapped the meat with his free hand. ‘It’s said that one of their witch powers is plentiful food.’
Varia quickly put down her fruit.
‘Nay, nay.’ Verren chuckled. ‘The food ain’t witched. ‘Tis just plentiful ‘round their lands. All the better f’r us.’ He took another bite.


Breakfasted and packed, General Pyter stood and spoke to his army.
‘My scouts have searched for signs of the Szornian tribe and we believe they are north.’ he said pointing. ‘Look through the trees and you can see a small plateau, about fifty paces long and thirty wide. Atop that plateau is the Pine Tree. Our objective is to capture and destroy this evil monster.
‘The Szornian tribe lives at the base of this plateau, so we will have to capture them first. I would prefer that they live they are not truly evil, just under the persuasive influence of this evil Tree. But as you know, anyone who does practice the black art of magic must be killed. Come. Now we shall go and destroy it!’ the last words were a shout.
The Explorers roared as one, and set off northwards.


Taktarii, Patriarch of the Szornian tribe, sat next to his wife, Manurii, the Szornians’ Matriarch. He was responsible for the tribe’s men, as well as hunting, fishing and fighting. She was the women’s leader, as well as the one who looked over their four magic-users, and protected those who could not fight. Manurii was a magic-user herself. In all other things they were equals.
They listened as their scout told them of southerners invading their lands.
‘They number fifty, Patriarch,’ said the scout, speaking in their native Ritellan. ‘They come with weapons of metal, of which they have the secrets of crafting. Over one-fourth of their number is female.’
Taktarii raised his brows. Whilst a woman fighting was no new thing – they had female warriors – they had never encountered or heard of a force with so many.
‘We shall prepare a trap for these invaders,’ said Taktarii. To his wife, he spoke: ‘Do you wish to prepare an offering to the Pine Tree to help us?’ Manurii nodded, and they both left to do their assigned tasks.


The Explorers crept through the undergrowth towards the camp. Within sight of the camp, arrows flew through the air. Next to Haelrr, Meunaer the Cook gave a cry and fell down. As well as a fine warrior, he had been one of the Expedition’s cooks.
Out of trees and the undergrowth Szornian warriors emerged, clad in coarse sackcloth-like clothes, flecked with green so they could hide in the forest. A far cry from the soft, finely-woven garments that the Kyarins wore.
Haelrr lost sight of Verren and Varia. He faced a Szornian, who threw a woven net at him. The ends of it wriggled into the ground, holding him tight. He slashed furiously at it with his sword and broke free.
After a brief but furious fight, Pyter called them to retreat. The survivors ran with him, deep into the woods leaving the Szornians behind. Pyter’s men reassembled far from the Szornian camp and after a frantic searching Haelrr found both Varia and Verren. Like Haelrr, they had a variety of minor wounds – Verren’s left arm was bleeding sluggishly. General Pyter took a head count and talked, as Verren bound his arm.
‘We lost nine brave Kyarin warriors back there my friends,’ he said. ‘It is obvious we cannot simply walk up and defeat them. Their force is far larger than ours. But we will avenge our dead, and destroy the Pine Tree. So, this is what I propose…’


Some of the Szornian warriors went searching for food for a celebratory feast. Others went, at Manurii‘s command, to find healing herbs to make poultices for the wounded. Another warrior detail went to find both sides’ dead and sacrifice them to the Pine Tree. Only a token force was left at the village believing that like all other invaders, the enemy had broken up and run away. When the lone scout found five warriors skulking near the edge of the forest he assumed that they, mad with grief, were on a suicide mission to avenge their dead. And so, cheering, all but three of the Szornian guard gave chase.


On the opposite side of the village, Haelrr and the others, with blood curdling cries, erupted out of the woods and surrounded it. Because the Szornians never believed an attack would come from so close to the Pine Tree’s lair, their watch was lax, secure in the belief that the Tree could take care of itself. Providing it wasn’t distracted.


At the plateau’s edge an enormous bowl-shaped indentation was scored out of the loamy forest soil. It was twice as deep as any of the Szornians, half as long as the plateau and two thirds as wide. The Pine Tree towered majestically from its far edge. Like huge, coarse hemp ropes, its roots twisted, coiled and frayed into the very base of the dark brown soil, drawing food and water and prey for the tree. On top of the plateau, and at the entrance of the indentation stood fifty guards, Taktarii and Manurii.
Singing hymns of thanks and praise they approached the tree, bringing with them the dead bodies. As if waking from a deep sleep, the roots came to life and one by one pulled the bodies into the air and into a hollow in the Tree’s base, right where tree met earth. Once inside the tree, the bodies were broken down into fertiliser and returned to the rich loamy soil. Focussing on the sacrifices, the spirit’s attention distracted from the village below.


The Kyarins overtook the village speedily. Some tribes-people tried to fight back; two used magic on their attackers. They were quickly killed and many, too drunk to realise what was happening, were overpowered immediately, while the rest were shocked that they had actually been caught. As small groups of Szornian warriors returned, they were given the choice of imprisonment or death. Most chose prison. Once the village was under control, thirty warriors led by and including General Pyter, marched on to capture those at the plateau and to destroy the Pine Tree.


Positioned on the hill-top with the dying sun behind them, the army, filled with blood lust, charged down a narrow ravine into the giant bowl. And into chaos. Three people – two women and one man – threw balls of fire at the oncoming attackers. They were the first to be killed. Then, with a mighty roar, the two sides clashed. The Szornians had more fighters, but the Kyarins were fiercer with deadlier weapons.
And then the Pine Tree entered the fray. Roots erupted out of the ground, ensnaring them. Plants twined around the warriors ankles, tripping and binding them, thus making them easier targets for the roots.
‘B’ware! Your feet!’ Pyter called. When a root did get a hold, they had seconds to hack it off before it grew strong enough to bind them, and allow the Szornians to kill them. One Kyarin grabbed a dropped spear and fought with it in his other hand.
Suddenly the wood writhed, revealing the secret behind the Szornian's apparent invincibility. Fine tendrils with barbed ends dug into the unfortunate warrior strangling him. His shrieks of agony rent the air causing a momentary lull in the fighting. The Kyarins renewed their attacks with greater effort terrified by the power of what they faced. Just as the Kyarins turned the tide in their favour, the tree gave a creaking shiver. Pine-needles – as sharp and deadly as arrows –rained from its massive branches. For a brief minute both Szornians and Kyarins stopped battling trying to avoid the deadly rain of needles.
But then the tree was spent.
The fighting resumed with greater intensity. The Kyarins relieved that the tree was only able to trip and bind them.
Verren’s bandage fell off his arm as he received a massive cut exposing the bone on his other arm. His sword clattered out of his right hand, and was kicked away by a Szornian, as he gave Verren a mighty slash across the chest.
‘Verren!’ Haelrr cried, running to his friend. But he was blocked off by a Szornian chieftain, Taktarii.
Taktarii gave a cry of pure rage –Haelrr had killed his wife; Manurii when she threw fire at the Kyarins. His attack was fuelled with strength born of rage. Haelrr fought for his life.


Behind them, Verren staggered over to a wooden torch. His vision was fading; he knew he was dying. He grabbed the torch tearing off each tendril as it grew on its surface and held on grimly as it bucked and writhed. One tendril got free, and pulled his hair. Another wrapped around his head. More grabbed his throat, trying to choke him. But he staggered on, until he reached the base of the Pine Tree. Roots grabbed at him, trying to pull him up, trying to tear away the burning torch in his hand at the same time. With superhuman effort Verren thrust upwards, the resinous wood igniting and exploding up the tree trunk.


Above the roar of the flames enveloping the tree, an inhuman shriek tore their eardrums. All fighting stopped. Villagers below saw the burning light. And knowing what had caused it, the Szornians cried out over and over in Ritellan: ‘Our God has fallen.’
The fire climbed even higher, weakening the Tree. With a groaning creak, it slowly toppled over, killing all those too slow to get from under it. It fell forwards into the bowl, blocking the ravine. The crown broke off, falling from the steep plateau into the village, rumbling to a stop at the centre of the square. The rest of the tree protruded out of the ravine, out in thin air, for twenty metres. The fire licked hungrily up its length, completely devouring it.


For many long minutes no one moved. Szornians on the hilltop began a chant revering the memory of their dead God and those who had died to protect it. Then, in one fluid movement, they reversed their long spears, plunging them deep into their own hearts. In Southern – the language the Kyarins used – the leader said:
‘We follow where our God goes. We have failed him. Now we must follow him to where life cannot return from. I have but one last wish.’ He looked directly at Haelrr. ‘You, who killed my wife; Manurii, Matriarch of the Szornians. Tell all survivors of this and record it for our history. Now I, Taktarii, last leader of the Szornian tribe, must join my people and our leader.’
He too reversed his spear and plunged it into his heart.
Haelrr looked to where Verren lay; a peaceful smile on his features. The tree had missed him, so he had not been crushed.
‘I will miss you, Verren.’ Haelrr whispered.
‘And I, too.’ Varia came up next to him, the tears on her face reflected in the flickering firelight.


A week later, they began to leave the village. General Pyter decreed that the captured Szornians would accompany them, as servants. They would be paid he said, and after a year reflecting on the evil of magic, they could choose to leave service or keeping working for their master. After that year was up, those who kept working were free to leave at any time.
The dead who’d been recovered were buried deep in the forest – far away from the village. The unburnt crown of the tree was brought back, and used for furniture.
Already some had cut off pieces to carve small keepsakes from.
Of the fifty who had come, only twenty-four were going back. General Pyter, grievously injured, chose Haelrr as his replacement for the journey home. Haelrr declined. He planned to record their adventure, as Taktarii had asked. But he would write it in honour of Verren.
As the caravan of rough materials began to rumble off, Varia dashed up to Haelrr. She gave him a broad ring, made of pale wood with a ring of darker wood angling through the centre. At the top, on a slightly raised area, was a tiny circular emerald with eight identical petals around its edge.
‘I – I made this for you.’ She said. ‘I knew you wanted to bring something back for Daran, and I found the emerald in ash near Verren. So we can remember him.’ Tears ran down her cheeks. She had been really close to Verren, just like Haelrr. ‘Just – just push on the centre emerald and it folds in…something I learnt to do a long time ago. I’m – I’m sorry, I have to go.’ She hurried off, sobbing.
Haelrr watched her go. They would be friends. Forever. But Verren’s death had scarred Varia deep, just like him. She had loved him. He realised that just after Verren’s death, while Varia had been sitting next to his body, crying.


He looked down at the ring and silently thanked her. It was made of oak and the Pine Tree. It was made so well that he could see no glue holding it together. He touched the centre firmly and it pulled in. The petals were in small wooden cups which folded down and in, leaving no trace of themselves behind except for a small circle seemingly cut into the wood, and segmented into eight pieces; one for each petal. He felt below and pushed; the emerald flower reappeared. As it did, a tiny cloud of fine, yellow-brown dust puffed out. He breathed it in and coughed for a moment. It subsided, as he put on the OakPine Ring.
Inside the spirit lay regaining its strength. It was not dead, but too weak to do anything spread out between many pieces of wood. It waited…


Characters:
· Szornians – tribes people who live with the Pine Tree.
· Haelrr – main character; a Kyarin. Takes the OakPine Ring.
· Verren – Haelrr’s best friend, also there.
· Taktarii – Patriarch of the Szornians
· Manurii – Matriarch of the Szornians
· Kyarin – a land to the south, the people of which loath and fear magic.
· King Yolun – King of Kyarin.
· Queen Elyyn – Queen of Kyarin.
· General Pyter – leader of the expedition.
· Varia – female warrior, on expedition.
· Daran – Kyarin woman whom Haelrr wishes to marry.
· Hanaru – a female magic-user from the Szornian tribe.
· Meunaer – a cook and fighter for the Explorers.